​For years, when my son Ryan was younger, vacations were tough. Really, really tough. Needless to say, breakfast with Donald Duck and hundreds of fellow Disney World tourists is not part of his regular routine. Throw in the sensory overload of Disney World that can take the most hearty sensory system down, well, like I said, vacations were often really, really tough.

So skip the sensory overloaded Disney World trip right? I mean, obviously, if it’s tough don’t do it. But guess what, a week at the beach, the lake, grandparent’s house, etc all are still not part of my son’s weekly routine. Most of the time, he can get through it, but, what kind of vacation is that for him…getting through what is supposed to be relaxing down time with friends and family.

I have learned over the years that vacations can be enjoyable for my son as long as we prepare ahead of time. New location? Let’s check out some pics on Google of things to do, things that would make him happy and not overload his sensory system. New hotel? Guess what, almost all hotel sites have photos of their property. Not only can you look at them online, you can call and ask for a room that might be away from the elevators, the lobby, etc, someplace quieter. Ask if there is a small conference room your son or daughter can chill out in when the tight quarters of the family are too much. If your son or daughter finds water soothing, find a hotel with an indoor pool where he can cool off and get a much needed reprieve (and make sure to find out how secure that pool area is so as to avoid any safety concerns). New restaurant and a picky eater? No worries if there is no grilled cheese on the menu, just call ahead and ask if they could make one or if you can carry in your son or daughter’s favorite food from somewhere else.

My son will often say, “I don’t know what to expect” so by doing what we can before we jump in the family truckster on our summer road trip and preparing him for how we think the vacation will go, certainly helps. In Disney World, he loved checking the itinerary for what was next. It helped him prepare his body and his mind for what was coming. Obviously, most of us have no crystal ball so we can’t predict what is going to happen, but, we can do our best to help prepare our kids so the unexpected isn’t quite so, well, unexpected.

Ahhh...do you hear that? It's the sound of children banging around in the kitchen trying to make their own breakfast while you try to sleep off your Orange is the New Black binge watching hangover. As you curse the sound of Fruity Pebbles spilling all over the floor you remind yourself it's not the end of the world because first of all, you are not wearing an orange jump suit and serving 8-10 years, and second of all, since there is nowhere to go you can just continue to lie in bed and let the dog clean up that rainbow sugary mess. No, it's not Mother's Day or your birthday, it's summer. Let the love/hate relationship with the season I love/hate the most begin!!

Summer is warm summer nights, popsicle sunsets, staying up late, bathing in the pool instead of the bathtub and no homework. Praise God there is no vague writing assignments, no common core math and no tardy slips for rolling into school 30 seconds after the bell rings. Thirty seconds, seriously...cut me a break...again...please?!

Summer for my autistic son is also a love/hate season. Ryan is ecstatic that summer is upon us, yet, anxious that the school year has come to an end. There are mutiple reasons why these hot summer days bring us both joy and anxiety. Here are just a few:

1. Bugs. Big ones, little ones, flying ones, crawling ones. Summer equals warm weather (love) which unearths the bugs, which we now call "things", and these unearthed "things" equal anxiety (hate). 

2. Hooray, there is no schedule (love)!! Oh dear God, there is no schedule (hate)!! Yes, not as much running to and fro certainly equals less screaming to "Hurry up before we are tardy (again)", but, not as much to do is NOT necessarily a good thing for a child who craves routine, who loves a schedule and who always wants to know "what to expect" next. 

3. No more packing the EXACT SAME SCHOOL LUNCH EVERY SINGLE DAY (love), but, figuring out what to feed him since that lunch is for school only, causes my chest to constrict (hate). No, we cannot eat Little Ceasars Pizza every single day for lunch (can we?).

4. The pool is officially open so some days the pool becomes one big bath tub (love) so there really is no reason to shower. Ever. Just like his brain takes a break over the lazy days of summer, so does his hygiene (hate). I mean, if we have nowhere to go, why is cleanliness even an issue?

5. No reason to brush teeth ever. See number 4.

6. Ryan struggles so much to "fit in", so, summer time means a temporary freeze on many awkward social situations (love), but, the end result is a summer spent in his room alone (hate). 

7. Thunderstorms. Summer means cool fronts clashing with warm fronts which means the wonderful smell of a summer rain (love), but, if there is a greater than 80% chance of a thunderstorm someone is NOT going outside (hate). Good bye plans for the day. It's that time of year we consider blocking The Weather Channel.

8. Summer means increasing his building expertise and using his imagination as he creates new worlds in Minecraft (love), but, it means way more freedom to withdrawal from this world into the world of Creepers, Zombies and Spider Jockeys (hate).

9. More time with mom means I continue to learn more and more about his incredibly unique mind and his beautiful heart (love), but, as much as I love it, I know he would much rather be walking the mall with a group of teenagers. Summer can be very, very lonely (hate).

10. Summer means time for vacations, time to explore somewhere new (love), but, for a kid who likes routine, leaving his comfort zone and trying somewhere new is usually met with a great deal of grumbling and resistance (hate). If it ain't the beach, he ain't going.

Ahhhh...yes, welcome summer. I love to love and hate you.

Orange is the New Black begins right about the time I start comparing Ryan's bedroom to the SHU (Segregated Housing Unit for those of you unfamiliar with Litchfield Penitentiary) as he spends much of his time in solitary confinement.

There are plenty of reasons why summer and autism clash. The lazy days of summer are too lazy, too carefree, too unscheduled, too much. So, there are plenty of reasons for me to despise summer, but, rather than focus on the bugs, the weather and the smell of boy seeping from under his bedroom door, I try to focus on all the reasons Ryan and I both love summer because even on the hard days, even in the tough moments, we both know the seasons will change almost as quickly as he does.

I love summer. I hate summer.

I love the long days with nothing to do. I hate the long days with nothing to do. I love sitting on my back porch book in one hand, drink in the other. I hate the guilt I feel for not having a third hand to hold the vacuum cleaner while holding a book in one hand and a drink in the other. I love the routine-less routine of summer. I hate the no routine of summer. I love the hot sticky days of summer. I hate the finger numbing air conditioned days of summer. I love the late night Netflix binge watching of summer (currently binging Silicon Valley and believe Ryan will one day live there). I hate the zombie like stage I'm in from late night binge watching Netflix of summer. I love that Ryan has nothing to do (homework). I hate that Ryan has nothing to do (I mean, nothing). I love that I pretend not to worry. I hate that I do worry.

They say you are only as happy as your unhappiest child. Well, it's easy to see why I was happiest this summer when Ryan was busy with three different camps. No, not because he was out of the house and I could nap from my night time Netflix binge watching, but, because he was out of his room...out of the house...doing something...anything. This summer my son has joined the likes of the California red legged frog and the North American desert tortoise and hunkered down to aestivate this summer. Aestivate (or estivate) is a fancy word for hibernating in the summer time. Yep, no doubt about it, my boy is an aestivator.

Animals who aestivate, do it for one or more of the following reasons:

1. To protect themselves from the heat. "It's too hot to go outside".

2. To stay hydrated when water resources are low. "We're out of juice bags again".

3. To avoid contact with other species. "I stay in my room alone all day because most people bore me".

4. To conserve energy when their food supply is low. "I'm starving because I ate breakfast late so I didn't want lunch at lunch time and now I want dinner, but, it's only 4:30 so I can't eat dinner this early".

According to Wiki, "animals who aestivate appear to be in a fairly 'light' stage of dormancy as their physiological state can be rapidly reversed, and the organism can quickly return to a normal state". A shout of, "Hey Ryan, do you want to go to Rita's for a gelati?" will quickly awaken him from his "light stage of dormancy" as he bounces down the steps and grabs his flip flops from the closet. While enroute for his sugary, sweet, gelati, this awakened state continues as Ryan jumps in the car, removes his flip flops, crosses his legs and turns on XM Radio, praying an Ed Sheeran song comes on. However, as soon as the gelati is consumed, the car is parked in the garage and the flip flops chucked into the closet, Ryan returns to his room and his dormancy resumes as does my worry. Perhaps I should aestivate too. Or at least drink enough wine to feel like I'm in a "light stage of dormancy" until school begins.

I get and appreciate the lazy days of summer, but, holing up in one's bedroom day in and day out for most of three months, goes a little beyond lazy, a little beyond typical teenage slugdom, it truly is a little more like aestivation. And I, for one, am ready for my boy to wake up.

Ryan's need for routine, his craving for structure, has always made the lazy days of summer a bit challenging, but, this summer, took lazy to a whole new level. An aestivation kind of level. He has given up swimming, swinging, and jumping the waves in the ocean. All things, according to Ryan, that he is "done with". Besides the occasional scooter ride while we walk the dog, his weekly wake up call for grocery shopping (in order to replenish those juice bags) or the rare trip to Rita's for that rootbeer gelati, this kid holes up in his room playing Minecraft or watching YouTube videos. And before you start judging me, and thinking, "well, just pry those electronic devices out of his near dormant hands", trust me, I have done that and the above picture is just what you get. A boy aestivating with an angry birds blanket covering his head, lying on his bed conserving his energy in case a predator shows up in the hallway all while waiting for the routine-less routine of summer to end.

As I creep slowly past Ryan's room, to see if my boy has awakened from his long summer nap, I hear the sounds of Minions and Austin Powers scripting from his room and I immediately begin to wring my hands. My old BFF Denial magically appears and tells me, "He's a teenager. Ryan's older brother, Kyle, spends lots of time alone in his room too". The difference is, Kyle is never alone as he texts, snapchats and tweets. Since Ryan "does not participate in social media", he is literally aestivating...in his room...alone...all summer long, waiting and craving for his routine to begin again.

That's why when the first back to school supplies started showing up in stores, most children cursed the retail Gods for such a horrific reminder in early July, but, not Ryan. As we entered Target and the giant back to school signs bombarded us, I heard the moans and groans from the three children behind us, but, as I looked over at my boy, he was grinning from ear to ear and under his breath, I heard a quiet mumble of, "Thank you God" while I slowly did a happy dance inside. 

Yes, we will both miss our late night binge watching of Netflix and Minecraft Youtubers, but, we will welcome the routine of school, the routine of fall with open arms. I know once a routine is in place, my boy will wake up from his dormant like state just in time for the joys of early mornings and late night homework. And just as my son is finally waking up from his summer time aestivation, good old mom will be ready to settle down for her long winter's nap in order to avoid the pitfalls of homework and getting to know the teachers (again). 

Ryan and I may be very different species with different routines and different periods of hibernation, but, I know regardless of what the future holds, we will get through each season together. As the gorgeous summer sunsets slowly head south behind the neighbors trees, taking away our perfect front porch view and giving us our first hint that fall will soon be in the air, Ryan will slowly start to wake up. He will occasionally join the rest of the family as we sit on the front porch enjoying one of the last remaining summer time popsicle sunsets. I love those precious, popsicle sunset family moments with sweet, sticky syrup dripping down our arms and spilling onto the porch steps. I hate those precious, popsicle family moments with sweet, sticky syrup dripping down our arms and spilling onto the porch steps which inevitably bring ants from the outside in, looking for more of that sweet, tasty goodness.

I love summer. I hate summer.