All content on this website is copyrighted and may not be shared or copied without the author's permission
The AWEnesty of Autism
  • Blog
  • Contact Me
  • About Us
  • AWEnest Advocacy

#TBT

5/29/2014

0 Comments

 
Picture
I try to be a "cool" mom, you know, a loving mom who does just the right amount of nagging that makes you a responsible parent, but, not over the top nagging that makes your kids think you are lame. I try to be the kind of mom that makes our house the hang out for all my kids' friends because, "Kyle's mom is so chill" (and because I have a sweet tooth like a child and my pantry is living proof of this fact). The kind of mom that my mom was when I was growing up (and of course still is today), with the added bonus of trying to be cool on social media. I am told by my teenage son that in the world of social media where I have mistakenly and humiliatingly crossed into his web universe, that I fail miserably in the Cool Mom Department. And if there is anyone who is going to tweet that you are without a doubt the most embarrassing mother in the world of social media, it's going to be your 16 year old, know it all, teenage son. #epicfail

Picture
I have been told, by my horribly embarrassed teenage son, that we "old heads" have ruined Facebook for the youngins (no one who is anyone over the age of 14 has an "active" Facebook account) and now, even worse, we over the hill, inept, social media blunderers are hashtagging on Facebook. #OMG 

For those who may be even lamer than me, a hashtag (#) originally began on Twitter then went to Instagram and it is a way to sort or categorize your tweets and pics so that other people who search under that hashtag can find similar tweets, pics and comments. For example, #embarassingmoms could be a hashtag on my son's Twitter account that would follow a comment something like this, "Mom's #'ing on FB again WTH?" and then his followers may share a similar horrific mother story with the same #embarassingmoms. 

Until recently, us old heads using a hashtag on Facebook was just for fun (or embarrassment) because there was no direct link from one hashtag to the next. Facebook changed that, but, according to teenagers, it's still not an acceptable hashtag outlet. In fact, when you put "hashtagging on Facebook" in your search engine, the second search title that comes up is "hashtagging on Facebook is stupid", which I'm sure was written by a horribly mortified teenager. #ohwell

Picture
According to my social media extraordinaire son, one of the biggest hashtag Facebook blunders, is #TBT. For you lame-o's, #TBT stands for Throwback Thursday, a day when people post pics of days gone by on Instagram not on Facebook, yet, every Thursday morning, I wake up to my Friends on Facebook sporting big puffy sleeves and even bigger puffier hair. Most of these photos are pictures with large groups of friends from the high school or college era. I AWEnestly love seeing these photos because they do indeed throw me back to a different time, a time when I was young, carefree, responsibility free and worry free (with the exception of my obsessive fretting over Aqua Net Super Strong Hold Hair Spray's ability to keep my hair puffy until 2AM). Ahhh....yes, the good old days. There are, however, some friends and some times, you don't want to throw back to, no matter how good the photo may look and how many Likes, Comments or Retweets you get.

Picture
Ironically, it was last Thursday, that I had a #TBT moment, and it wasn't pretty. I agreed to help out with Ryan's end of the year Honors Party in Middle School. Yeah, I know, the fact that my son made the honor roll for the first three marking periods and was not only invited to attend, but, WANTED to attend, should have made it a phenomenal Thursday, throwback or not, but, old #TBT habits die hard. If someone would have snapped a photo of me last Thursday, waiting for the kids to be dismissed to the party, they would have seen the same woman (albeit a bit older) as the woman in this photo, smiling, happy, on the outside, but, a worried, hot mess on the inside. Yes, last Thursday, as I waited to collect the Honors Party Invitations for the invited attendees, I was thrown back with my old friends Denial and Clueless flanked on either side of me, but, my newer, much more fun to be around friend, Hope, was giving them both a nonchalant elbow shot as I waited and watched for Ryan to appear.

Picture
My throwback was more of a scary, "must have done some brain damage from spraying all the Aqua Net, oh please don't make me relive it again", flashback. As I waited for my 95 pound, almost teenage son to appear, in my throwback mind, I kept seeing an angry, scared, overwhelmed, lost 4 year old boy camouflaged among the wood chips, playing alone under the sliding board at daycare. My palms became sweaty, I felt my heart rate pulsating to the sound of Pharrell Williams annoying Happy song being played by the DJ and all I could think was, if Pharell Williams entered this room right now, I would stuff an Honors Invitation in his big hat then shove it down his Happy throat. I was anything, but, Happy, I was more like Neurotically Nauseous (maybe I should write a song). I quickly forgot about my new friend Hope and was immediately back in my old inner circle with Denial and Clueless, praying, bartering, and willing my son, not to walk into that commons area alone. All the years I spent accepting that Ryan is happy being just who he is, disappeared as quickly as a trending hashtag. #oldnews

As I continued to watch and wait, unaware of the fact that I was literally holding my breath, I found myself whispering to Hope, "Maybe Ryan will round the corner and come through the doors with a friend", while acknowledging to both Denial and Clueless, "Ryan will not only probably be alone, he will probably be the last one to show up". As I stood there transfixed between the present and #TBT, I watched the non-stop streams of kids flowing through the hallways like salmon fighting to get upstream, literally pushing and plowing their way through the masses. I watched as the cool kids in their high black socks and trendy clothes moved together in packs like a group of hungry wolves, just waiting to take a bite out of the vulnerable kids who walked alone wearing high white socks and the same five shirts all school year long. I watched, I trembled, and I waited. "He will be last and he will be alone and that's ok" was ongoing, repetitive, mumbling mantra.
Picture
Then just when my new friend Hope was ready to go hang out with some of the more optimistic, cool moms, my boy rounded the corner, in the middle of the pack, with no bite marks, wearing his high white socks, smiling, laughing and walking with, dare I say it....a friend. Ryan and his friend approached me with their Honors Party Invitation, and I got that very happy, yet trying not to smile grin from my boy and a nice, "Hello Ryan's mom!" from Ryan's friend. Ryan wasn't 4 years old anymore. He wasn't angry, he wasn't scared, he wasn't overwhelmed, he wasn't lost, and just like that annoyingly joyful Pharrell Williams predicted, Ryan was Happy and therefore, so was I. Would I have been less happy if Ryan rounded that corner alone, but, still smiling and happy while Hope quickly left my side for some other cooler mom, AWEnestly, yes, I would have, because no matter how hard I try not to project my version of happy onto Ryan, sometimes, I still do. #pharrellandme

Picture
Any of my #TBT photos that I would post onto Facebook, horrifying my social media savvy son, would show me surrounded by a group of friends, no matter how far back I would throw the photo. I always found myself in a group, mostly because I loved hanging out with my friends, but, also because being part of a group was how I identified myself. I was a salmon. Being in the middle of gang of friends for me, was, and sometimes still is, easier than being alone. Ryan is quietly confident in who he is and yes, autism makes having friends difficult, so sometimes being alone is preferred, because for Ryan, being alone beats swimming up stream with a bunch of pushy, obnoxious, teenage salmon. For Ryan, traveling his journey in a pack of wolves or a school of fish is not his thing, for Ryan, sometimes, having just one friend to happily script away with, is all he needs. #1isallyouneed

As hard as I try to be a "cool mom", I'm pretty sure Ryan's poor friend probably did not think there was anything cool about me as I followed them around smiling like some weirdo, taking photos, but, not posting them (well, not all of them) on Instagram with a cool hashtag like #bitemeautism or #dumpeddenial or #justbeyou. As I stalked, I mean, watched, Ryan and his friend walk around, scripting the latest Gumball episode together, I stood alone with no friends....not Hope...not Denial....and not Clueless, yet, I did not, for one second, feel the least bit lonely. Students, teachers and parents milled around me, but, I didn't try to hide my falling tears. I embraced my joy as my heart filled with pride while I watched in AWE the #TBT moment transport Ryan and me to the present. 

Some days I'm cool, some days, I'm not, but, one thing we lame "old heads" have over these youngins is the wisdom that comes with age. We recognize that there are moments that don't need a #, a tweet, a post, or a comment.  Such wisdom may not make us cool, hip, trendy or keep us from humiliating our children, but, our old head knowledge enables us to see that there are some moments that really are better experienced alone, because no one who "follows" you, "friends" you, or "tweets" you, can fully comprehend the significance of a moment, of that moment, except, YOU. #mymoment

Picture
Ryan just chilling with his friends (one is hidden to protect his privacy).
0 Comments
    The Mighty Contributor

       Author

    Picture
    Keeping it real, raw, and AWEnest while laughing, loving and living in our world 
    touched by Autism.
    If you would like to subscribe to this blog ...

    Enter your email address:

    Delivered by FeedBurner

    Definition of Awe:
    "a mixed emotion of
    reverence, respect, dread and wonder inspired by authority, genius, great
    beauty, sublimity or might." Yep, someone should have consulted a mom 
    before
    spelling AWEtism.

    Archives

    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013

    Categories

    All
    A Blink Of An Eye
    Acceptance
    Advocates
    Aestivation
    Alone
    ASD
    ASD
    ASD And Disney
    ASD Empathy
    Asd Love
    Atypical
    Austin Powers
    Autism
    Autism Acceptance
    Autism Adults
    Autism And Alone
    Autism And Disney
    Autism And Emotions
    Autism And Fevers
    Autism And Field Trips
    Autism And Friends
    Autism And Homework
    Autism And Hope
    Autism And Lonely
    Autism And Media
    Autism And Police Interaction
    Autism Awareness
    Autism Awareness 2016
    Autism Brothers
    Autism Emotions
    Autism Empathy
    Autism Feelings
    Autism Friends
    Autism Idioms
    Autism Journey
    Autism Lessons
    Autism Love
    Autism Meltdown
    Autism Moms
    Autism Routine
    Autism Routines
    Autism Self Advocacy
    Autism Self-Awareness
    Autism Siblings
    Autism Speaks
    Autism Spectrum Disorders
    Autism Swimming
    Autism Tour Guide
    Autistic Enough
    Awe Inspiring
    Awe-inspiring
    Back To School
    Baseball
    Beach
    Beauty
    Beauty Is In The Eye Of The Beholder
    Big
    Black And White Thinking
    Brady Bunch
    Bravery
    Breaking Bad
    Bridge Over Troubled Water
    Bugs
    Bullying
    Champion
    Change
    Change Of Heart
    Changes
    Chatty Cathy Doll
    Childhood
    Christmas
    Clothes And Autism
    Clueless
    College
    Communicating
    Communication Skills
    Comparing Disabilities
    Confidence
    Conscious Uncoupling
    Creepers
    Criticsm
    Day Of Pampering
    Death And Dying
    Denial
    Diet
    Differences
    Different
    Different Not Less
    Disability
    Disney World
    Donkey
    Donuts
    Dr. Seuss
    Early Bird Gets The Worm
    Eddie Murphy
    Ed Sheeran
    Educators
    Emily Dickinson
    Emoji
    Estivation
    Facebook
    Facial Cues
    Fear Of Santa
    Fears
    Fifty Shades Of Grey
    First
    Flags Of Autism
    Friends
    Gifts
    Groundhog Day
    Growing Up
    Guest Blogger
    Hades
    Halloween
    Happy
    He Is There
    Helicoptoring
    He Loves Me
    He Loves Me Not
    History Of Autism
    Holidays And Autism
    Homecoming
    Homework
    Honesty
    Hope
    Hovering
    Hygiene
    Hygiene Autism
    I Am Sorry
    I Am You
    Idioms
    Include
    Inclusion
    Inside Out
    Instagram
    Invisible
    IPhone
    It Takes A Village
    John Elder Robison
    Judgement
    Julia Muppet
    Kate Upton
    Kisses
    Language
    Left Out
    Legacy Of Autism
    Letter To Me
    Letter To My Son
    Lifeguard
    Limited Diet
    Listen To Your Heart
    Literal Thinking
    Loch Ness Monster
    Loving A Child With Autism
    Matthew McConaughey
    Minecraft
    Minecraft Autism
    Moms
    Mother's Day
    Mothers Day
    Mothers Disabled Children
    Mothers Love
    Mothers Of Children With Autism
    Music
    Musical Gift
    Music Autism
    Myths About Autism
    Neurotribes
    New Clothes
    New Years
    Not Alone
    Not Less
    Parenting
    Peanut Gallery
    People Magazine
    Peter Brady Voice Change
    Pets
    Piano
    Placebo Effect
    Play
    Pointing
    Police
    Pool
    Proud To Stand Out
    Read Across America
    Relief Pitcher
    Remorse
    Risks
    Rituals
    Roar
    Routines
    Same Old Song And Dance
    School
    Scripting
    Sensory
    Sesame Street
    Sharing Interests
    Sharks
    Showers
    Showing
    Shrek
    Siblings
    Singing
    Small Talk
    Social
    Social Circles
    Social Communication Disorder
    Social Media
    Social Skills
    Speech
    Stereotypes
    Steve Silberman
    Stickers
    Summer
    Summer Camps Autism
    Support
    Surfers Healing
    Talk The Talk
    #TBT
    Teacher
    Teachers
    Team
    Temple Grandin
    Thankful
    Thanksgiving
    The AWEnesty Of Autism
    The A Word
    #thedress
    The Jeffersons
    The Old Me
    The Outsiders
    Throwback Thursday
    To Tell Or Not To Tell
    Touch
    Trick Or Treat
    Trying To Understand
    Unexpected
    Vacations And Autism
    Vacations And Autism
    Video Games
    Walk The Walk
    Walter White
    Weather
    Wheaties
    Wine
    Wishes
    Wizard Of Oz
    Words
    World Autism Awareness Day
    Zombies

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.