It's been almost 13 years since we first heard the word "autism". My son has come so far since then, and so have I. I remember all those years ago, the guilt, the worry, and the ignorance, I remember it well. It took me some time, ok fine, a lot of time, to get from there to here, here, where I am today. I am so thankful to my son who grabbed my hand and helped move both of us forward.

So this blog is for all you mothers who have just arrived to this new world of autism. One day you too will be "here", but, while you still linger "there" these are my wishes for you this Mother's Day;

1. A day filled with love, even if that love looks different than you expected.

2. A day without racing thoughts of how, when and why.

3. A day without scheduled appointments, routines and researching what to do next.

4. A day to enjoy what is and not worry so much about what will be.

5. A day absent of comparisons. Theodore Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Teddy was spot on, so today, no comparisons, just joy.

6. A day without guilt and should haves, could haves, would haves. Guilt is Comparison's accomplice when it comes to stealing joy. Lock them up today.

7. A day for you to see your child like you did before you heard "autism". That child is still the same, that child is still there, so look. Look now.

8. A day filled with the wonder of seeing the world through your child’s eyes in a way you never have before. It can be a heartbreakingly, funny, difficult, awesome and beautiful world, but, it is now up to you to enter it. Walk through that door with your child today. They are waiting for you.

9. A day to appreciate and embrace neurodiversity. Imagine how boring the world would be without it?!

10. A day to be grateful for your support system of family, friends and other moms on this similar journey. You will need all of them (and wine), let them in.
 
Oh, and one last thing on Mother’s Day, and every day, as you travel this new journey with so many mothers who have come before you, I wish for you the gift of acceptance. I truly believe the best way to receive this gift, is to get to know autistic individuals, no one can offer you or your child more insight then they can. Remember, without accepting what is, you and your child will never get to what, and most importantly, who they will be.
 
And finally, my last wish for you is that no matter the day, you never, ever give up hope.
 
Happy Mother’s Day!

It's Mother's Day this weekend. Hooray!! It is a day off, a day of respite, a day of nothing, but, MomMe! Am I right? Of course not!!
 
Okay, fine, chances are you may get a little pampering by not having to get dinner, fold the laundry or scrub the toilets, but, regardless of your plans and the degree of pampering you may or may not receive, Mother's Day is the one day of the year we actually get noticed. It is the one day that our kids actually pay attention to us because the calendar, the television and social media say they should. It is the one day the kids remember, I mean really remember, who we are, what we do, and why they are so freaking lucky to have us, and that is why, on this treasured day we will most likely hear, "Hey Mom, look..." at least 175 times.

If I had a dollar, no wait, a nickel, for every time I heard, "Hey Mom, look", I would be sipping my Mother's Day wine through a beautiful crystal wineglass from Tiffany's instead of a cheap, stemless wine glass from Target. And if I had a nickel for how many times I smiled through gritted teeth and slightly snarled, "just a minute" while draining the boiling hot pasta, scrubbing the toilets with bleach or wiping my...well, you know, I would be drinking that wine on a yacht somewhere on the Cote d'Azur.

Kids love to show us...everything. High how they can jump, how fast they can run, and how big they can poo. Yep, sorry, even THAT. And sure, when we are in the middle of bleach, boiling water or bathroom hygiene, and when we have "looked" exactly 47 times already that day, the words, "Hey Mom, look" sort of gets jumbled somewhere between our ears and and our brain and all we hear is the voice inside our heard going, "OMG! Can I get anything done?!". 

I admit it, I'm guilty of not always looking, at least not in that moment, not right away, not until after I flush. I use to hear, "Hey Mom look" from Kyle when he would throw a ball, kick a ball, bounce a ball, or catch a ball. Now, as a 17 year old, I only hear "Hey Mom, look" when he pauses the DVR to show me something inappropriate and crude that Peter Griffith does on Family Guy. Sigh. Now, Emma, is a very different story, she is a show-er of all things (yes even the poo). Emma easily still utters, "Hey Mom, look" at least 75 times a day, and although I try to look all 75 times, I'd be lying if said I don't occasionally pretend to "see" and then mumble, "that's great honey", when she might actually be playing with fire.

There is, however, an exception, a time when I will put down the bleach, risk burning my hand in hot water and forego a little bathroom hygiene (just temporarily) when I hear the words, "Hey Mom, look" when it comes in a very mumbled, unsure, monotone voice. More often than not, the words "Hey Mom, look" are translated into a more adultish sounding phrase like, "Mother, I have something I would appreciate sharing with you". When I hear those words, from that mouth, even though it's not fair, it's not just, it's not equal, I have to be AWEnest, I run up the steps fearing the moment will pass before I "see". 

Why you may wonder does Ryan's "Mother I have something I would appreciate sharing with you" have more weight than, "Hey Mom, look"? Because I can count on one hand the number of times I have heard them. These words, or anything even slightly resembling them, are not even uttered on the coveted, we remember how great mom is MomMe Day.

I still run and I still look because I waited so long to see. In those early days, when I was worrying, obsessing and Googling The A Word, one of the red flags that would slap me upside the head was "lack of showing". Yep, I would see that red flag, shut off the computer and get out one of my cheap, stemless Target wine glasses and share a bottle of red with my old friend Denial. 

Ryan never showed. He never shared. He never uttered the words, "Hey Mom, look". Unless I prompted. Unless I begged. Unless I said, "Hey Ryan, look". And after downing a glass (or two or three) of wine, I swore then and there, if the words ever came, if ever heard them, I would never fail to look. I waited, bribed and begged for so long, how could I not look. And although I occasionally hear the words, or some derivative of them, there is still a long gap between the words' visits. 

Whether it's the latest mod he downloaded on Minecraft or some crazy dog on YouTube, when Ryan does show, in his way, in his own time, I forego basic kitchen safety and bathroom hygiene because it doesn't matter what he has to share, what he wants me to see, what matters is, he wants me to look. I am typically dismissed quickly after I look with a "What are you still doing here?" or an "Okay, I'd like my privacy now", but, even if it's just a quick glance, he showed, and I'm so grateful I got to see.

So, yeah, it may not be right, it may not be fair, but, on this Mother's Day, when my kids really pay attention to me, when Kyle or Emma yells, "Hey Mom, look", for the 150th time, chances are I will look (most of the time), but, if Ryan happens to utter those coveted "Mother, I have something I would appreciate sharing with you" words not only will I look, but, I will see. I will see that although that "lack of showing" red flag still waves in the breeze, occasionally that red flag is lowered so I must run quickly before it is raised again. 

I know that what Kyle and Emma want me to see is equally important, so I do look (as long as I'm not wiping my...well, you know), but, it's kind of like drinking wine from a Tiffany Crystal wine glass versus a Target, stemless wine glass. The wine is still wet, the wine is still chilled , and the wine still makes me feel warm inside, yet, somehow, drinking out of glass that is so rare, so exquisite, just makes the wine taste a little bit sweeter.

Happy Mother's Day! Enjoy your MomMe Day, but, don't forget to look, who knows what you might see.