Well, it's the week all of us middle age'ish (vomit) housewives have been waiting for since we turned the first page of Fifty Shades of Grey and wished our best friend got the flu and we were the one who stumbled into Christian Grey's multi-billion dollar empire. In just 24 hours, all of our Christian Grey necktie and Red Room of Pain fantasies (or horrors, depending on your perspective) come to life on the big screen in Fifty Shades of Grey, the movie. And while we sit with our girlfriends giggling and critiquing how "Jamie Dornan is soooo... not Christian Grey" or how we could have totally been a much better Anastasia than Dakota Johnson, our husbands will be anxiously awaiting our return from the theater. And depending on just how far the Motion Pictures Associations of America decides to go with this R Rating and how far your imagination can take you, you might be just as excited to get home to your man too, even if he doesn't own a helicopter....or a flogger (I don't want to know).
Don't worry folks, this blog post does not need an R Rating, nor does it come with a blindfold, riding crop or handcuffs (Sorry, I hope you are still reading) because although I loved reading (and I'm sure I will love watching) all about "fifty shades of f***ed up" Christian Grey and his various shades of painful pleasure, this is a PG Rated post, with zero shades of gray.
Don't worry folks, this blog post does not need an R Rating, nor does it come with a blindfold, riding crop or handcuffs (Sorry, I hope you are still reading) because although I loved reading (and I'm sure I will love watching) all about "fifty shades of f***ed up" Christian Grey and his various shades of painful pleasure, this is a PG Rated post, with zero shades of gray.
Christian Grey may have been able to use his billions, his charm, and his charisma to blend black and white and come up with fifty shades of gray in order to blur the lines between right and wrong, good and bad, acceptable and unacceptable, pain and pleasure, but, I can AWEnestly say that Ryan, and many people living with autism, would find Christian's world of gray more disturbing than his Red Room of Pain.
Gray is confusing. Gray is neither black or white. There are various shades of gray and these shades of gray change depending on various factors, such as lighting, point of view, and interpretation.
Ryan will never see the fifty shades of gray like Christian Grey does (Thank God. Although, allowing his parents to ride on his private yacht would have been nice.) because Ryan prefers a world that is black and white. Black and white is easier to understand. It's either black or it's white. Right or wrong. Lie or truth. Win or lose. Gray is left to interpretation. Gray is vague. Gray is not black OR white, it is black AND white.
Gray is confusing. Gray is neither black or white. There are various shades of gray and these shades of gray change depending on various factors, such as lighting, point of view, and interpretation.
Ryan will never see the fifty shades of gray like Christian Grey does (Thank God. Although, allowing his parents to ride on his private yacht would have been nice.) because Ryan prefers a world that is black and white. Black and white is easier to understand. It's either black or it's white. Right or wrong. Lie or truth. Win or lose. Gray is left to interpretation. Gray is vague. Gray is not black OR white, it is black AND white.
For Ryan, gray is baffling. Not being clear on what is right or wrong in a situation can make Ryan very anxious. Considering multiple perspectives, various options, and different points of views from situation to situation is extremely confusing. Ryan's black and white thinking makes him feel isolated in social situations where the world is filled with shades of gray.
Many social rules vary from one situation to the next. Since autism already makes reading facial cues, interpreting body language, and understanding the idiosyncrasies of social language confusing, Ryan holds on to black and white thinking, because black and white makes perfect sense. Unfortunately, the reality is that most social situations are not black and white. Most social situations have various shades of gray, which makes interpreting those situations and responding in a socially appropriate way difficult. This struggle to understand the various shades of gray is why, most days, Ryan prefers to be alone in his black and white world. There is less room for error, less room for gray.
It's easy to understand why black and white makes more sense than gray.
Truth or lie. "What do you mean it's okay to lie "sometimes"? Isn't a lie, a lie whether it's white, black or purple?"
Following the rules or not following the rules. "How can you bend the rules? Rules don't bend. It's a rule and rules tell you how to play the game, rules keep order, rules keep everyone in check, rules help determine what to do next, so you can't break rules or bend them."
Helping or cheating. "Having another roll of the dice or taking another turn, is not helping someone learn how to play the game, it's cheating." (Chances are good if you "cheat" while playing Monopoly with Ryan you don't have to worry about being "flogged", you may, however, wind up with a Monopoly playing pieced embedded in your forehead.)
Winning or losing. "There is no tie. Someone must win or lose. There is always a winner!" And God help you if you are the winner and Ryan is the loser. Just a heads up.
Right or wrong. Black or white. Zero shades of gray.
Many social rules vary from one situation to the next. Since autism already makes reading facial cues, interpreting body language, and understanding the idiosyncrasies of social language confusing, Ryan holds on to black and white thinking, because black and white makes perfect sense. Unfortunately, the reality is that most social situations are not black and white. Most social situations have various shades of gray, which makes interpreting those situations and responding in a socially appropriate way difficult. This struggle to understand the various shades of gray is why, most days, Ryan prefers to be alone in his black and white world. There is less room for error, less room for gray.
It's easy to understand why black and white makes more sense than gray.
Truth or lie. "What do you mean it's okay to lie "sometimes"? Isn't a lie, a lie whether it's white, black or purple?"
Following the rules or not following the rules. "How can you bend the rules? Rules don't bend. It's a rule and rules tell you how to play the game, rules keep order, rules keep everyone in check, rules help determine what to do next, so you can't break rules or bend them."
Helping or cheating. "Having another roll of the dice or taking another turn, is not helping someone learn how to play the game, it's cheating." (Chances are good if you "cheat" while playing Monopoly with Ryan you don't have to worry about being "flogged", you may, however, wind up with a Monopoly playing pieced embedded in your forehead.)
Winning or losing. "There is no tie. Someone must win or lose. There is always a winner!" And God help you if you are the winner and Ryan is the loser. Just a heads up.
Right or wrong. Black or white. Zero shades of gray.
Helping Dad plant a tree because that's what the directions said to do and having Dad do it alone would be cheating, lying and not following the rules.
As black and white as the world may seem to those living with autism, unfortunately, I believe that more often it is the neurotypical folks who could benefit from a few shades of gray. Many times, those of us without autism see the world of autism in black and white. We see us and them. We see our way and their way. We see our world and their world. We see right and wrong. We see weird, not different. Very rarely, do we neurotypicals see the blurring of the black and white. We struggle to see the various shades of gray that might just help us understand that many people living with autism believe that they are in fact typical, and we are the ones who are not.
Think about it, logically, black and white thinking makes sense. After all, a lie is a lie regardless of what color it is. Rules are made to be followed, not bent or broken. You either cheat or you don't. You are a winner or a loser, not a "tie-er". You are right or you are wrong. Black or white. Makes perfect sense.
I recognize that there are more than fifty shades of gray in the so called neurotypical world and in the world of autism, and trying to see everything in gray, black or white would really diminish the colors of all that we see in both worlds. Perhaps, in true Christian Grey form, we should throw on a blindfold and remove our sense of sight and try to feel what it might be like living in a black and white world. Perhaps removing our sight, will enhance our ability to feel and maybe then we neurotypicals will "see" that "we" may have it wrong and "they" may have it right.
Perhaps somewhere between black and white is a shade of gray that helps us all understand that our differences make us who we are and that those differences are not right or wrong, good or bad, normal or abnormal, they are just various shades of gray. And even though it's hard for Ryan to see the gray, he is working on it. I just hope that the rest of the world works on it too.
Ryan may not be able to see fifty, forty, or even ten shades of gray, but, if he can see one, if he can try and see your perspective, your point of view, your "gray", than hopefully you can see his too. Hopefully, you can see and accept this shade of gray without having to be flogged, tied up or whipped. Unless of course you are into that sort of thing (I don't want to know).
Think about it, logically, black and white thinking makes sense. After all, a lie is a lie regardless of what color it is. Rules are made to be followed, not bent or broken. You either cheat or you don't. You are a winner or a loser, not a "tie-er". You are right or you are wrong. Black or white. Makes perfect sense.
I recognize that there are more than fifty shades of gray in the so called neurotypical world and in the world of autism, and trying to see everything in gray, black or white would really diminish the colors of all that we see in both worlds. Perhaps, in true Christian Grey form, we should throw on a blindfold and remove our sense of sight and try to feel what it might be like living in a black and white world. Perhaps removing our sight, will enhance our ability to feel and maybe then we neurotypicals will "see" that "we" may have it wrong and "they" may have it right.
Perhaps somewhere between black and white is a shade of gray that helps us all understand that our differences make us who we are and that those differences are not right or wrong, good or bad, normal or abnormal, they are just various shades of gray. And even though it's hard for Ryan to see the gray, he is working on it. I just hope that the rest of the world works on it too.
Ryan may not be able to see fifty, forty, or even ten shades of gray, but, if he can see one, if he can try and see your perspective, your point of view, your "gray", than hopefully you can see his too. Hopefully, you can see and accept this shade of gray without having to be flogged, tied up or whipped. Unless of course you are into that sort of thing (I don't want to know).
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