Another dreary, cold winter has ended and spring has technically arrived, even though my old bones still don't feel very spring like. I swear the winters in Pennsylvania get longer and longer every year. In order to recover from Central PA Seasonal Affective Disorder, I am praying for a brilliant, sunny spring, with just enough rain to celebrate that April showers bring May flowers. Along with celebrating the birds singing, the flowers blooming and the grass turning green again, my family celebrates the multi-colored puzzle pieces that represent Autism Awareness which pop up as frequently as tulips and daffodils this month.
April is Autism Awareness Month and although once upon a time, April showers bringing May flowers was all this winter hating mother cared about, now, that I have a 1 in 42 boy with an Autism Spectrum Disorder, April has a whole new meaning to me.
Upon first learning of my Ryan's diagnosis, I felt like the light had been sucked from my world, and I was surrounded in cold, rainy darkness. It took time, patience, acceptance, and understanding for me to pull myself out of the rain and find the sun again. And just like spring, when the dark clouds finally roll away and the world begins to wake up to a feeling of new, I awoke to a world I never knew existed, yet couldn’t imagine my life without.
April is Autism Awareness Month and although once upon a time, April showers bringing May flowers was all this winter hating mother cared about, now, that I have a 1 in 42 boy with an Autism Spectrum Disorder, April has a whole new meaning to me.
Upon first learning of my Ryan's diagnosis, I felt like the light had been sucked from my world, and I was surrounded in cold, rainy darkness. It took time, patience, acceptance, and understanding for me to pull myself out of the rain and find the sun again. And just like spring, when the dark clouds finally roll away and the world begins to wake up to a feeling of new, I awoke to a world I never knew existed, yet couldn’t imagine my life without.
The diagnosis of Autism, Asperger's Syndrome and PDD-NOS now falls under the umbrella term of Autism Spectrum Disorder, or ASD. Autism is considered a spectrum due in part to the wide degree of variances from one person living with an ASD to the next. ASD effects each person living with the disorder in a variety of ways. Each person as “different” as the varying colors of the light spectrum in a spring time rainbow.
These “differences” make people with an Autism Spectrum Disorder as brilliant and beautiful as all the colors of the rainbow. Think about it, how boring would a rainbow be, if it were all red or all blue? It’s the variations, or the differences in color that make rainbows worth slamming on your brakes in the middle of a highway and risking your life for a photo to share on Instagram.
As a mother of a child with an ASD, I once feared “different”. I had trouble seeing the beauty of different because I wanted “same”. I worried that different would mean hardship, struggles and lack of understanding. Sometimes that fear was for my son, and sometimes that fear was selfishly, for me. I didn’t know different. I didn’t understand different. I feared different. Maybe, an all blue rainbow wouldn’t be so bad after all, if it meant “different” became “same”.
These “differences” make people with an Autism Spectrum Disorder as brilliant and beautiful as all the colors of the rainbow. Think about it, how boring would a rainbow be, if it were all red or all blue? It’s the variations, or the differences in color that make rainbows worth slamming on your brakes in the middle of a highway and risking your life for a photo to share on Instagram.
As a mother of a child with an ASD, I once feared “different”. I had trouble seeing the beauty of different because I wanted “same”. I worried that different would mean hardship, struggles and lack of understanding. Sometimes that fear was for my son, and sometimes that fear was selfishly, for me. I didn’t know different. I didn’t understand different. I feared different. Maybe, an all blue rainbow wouldn’t be so bad after all, if it meant “different” became “same”.
It took time to understand that different wasn’t bad, different wasn’t less, different was just….different. Once I stopped fearing different and tried to understand and accept different, my son showed me just how beautiful different could be. Different can memorize every country in the world in just three days. Different can hear a bird sing outside and mimic that bird’s song in perfect pitch. Different can love in a way that same never could. Different is AWEnest, real, and innocent. Some days different is harder than others, but, I would still never trade all the different colors in the rainbow, for boring, monochromatic white.
Just like I can’t fully explain the variations of an Autism Spectrum Disorder, I cannot explain in scientific fashion how light reflecting off the back of a water droplet creates varying colors in a rainbow. I have a basic understanding that rain + sunshine = rainbow, but, I don’t fully comprehend all that prism light bending, refraction stuff. However, just because I can’t explain why purple is at one end of the rainbow and red is at the other end, doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate that the variations between the colors is what makes a rainbow beautiful.
Although after a grey, dreary winter, I would love a spring time full of only sunny days, but, without rain, there would only be boring white light. Without rain, there would be no spectrum of colors. Without rain there would be no differences. Without rain, there would only be same. To appreciate the colors, there has to be rain.
So this April, if you see a rainbow, don’t go rushing to the end to find the elusive pot of gold, sit back and take in the spectrum of colors and appreciate each different color. And while out shopping for your spring time annuals, if you see “different” at the checkout line next to you, give the mom a smile and let her know that you understand that some days different is hard, some days different is heartbreaking, some days different is beautiful, and some days different is just, well…different.
Although after a grey, dreary winter, I would love a spring time full of only sunny days, but, without rain, there would only be boring white light. Without rain, there would be no spectrum of colors. Without rain there would be no differences. Without rain, there would only be same. To appreciate the colors, there has to be rain.
So this April, if you see a rainbow, don’t go rushing to the end to find the elusive pot of gold, sit back and take in the spectrum of colors and appreciate each different color. And while out shopping for your spring time annuals, if you see “different” at the checkout line next to you, give the mom a smile and let her know that you understand that some days different is hard, some days different is heartbreaking, some days different is beautiful, and some days different is just, well…different.
The boy who taught me how beautiful different can be.
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