All content on this website is copyrighted and may not be shared or copied without the author's permission
The AWEnesty of Autism
  • Blog
  • Contact Me
  • About Us
  • AWEnest Advocacy

Are You There Denial? It's Me, Kate.

9/25/2014

2 Comments

 
Picture
Well, it's been one week. Have you rushed out to get the iPhone 6? Were you standing in line so you could, as my husband likes to put it, be the first to "stick your head in the oven because everyone else does"? I was not standing in line, even though I wanted to be....even though my contract was up over 8 months ago....even though I am more than ready for an upgrade, but, with a husband like that, I couldn't be the first to put my head in the oven, because I hate to prove my husband right. In fact, AWEnestly, I love to prove him wrong. 

So, here I sit, blogging on my iPhone 4s dinosaur, trying to act like it's no biggie that it takes 90 seconds for Facebook to open up, or that my battery lasts approximately 45 minutes before I have to run to an outlet somewhere, trying to act like I don't care what "everyone else is doing". Just an FYI, I'm secretly dying to be like all the other people out there baking their head, impatiently waiting to stick my head right alongside their head in the iPhone 6 oven, assuming the oven is big enough and the temperature is set to low. And I don't even care if the new, problematic iOS8 keeps me from making a call on my "phone" or if I keep my new iPhone 6 in my pocket too long and it bends like a pretzel, it's still an iPhone, right?

If I'm AWEnest, part of my love affair with Steve Jobs and all things Apple is indeed, because "everyone's doing it", but, I truly do love and bow to all things "i" because for someone who is as technologically savvy as the Anti-Steve Jobs, "i" devices are simple and easy. I love my iPhone, iPad and I just recently started a romance with my MacBook Air. So as much as I have a love-hate relationship with my antiquated iPhone 4s, I still love it when my old dinosaur outsmarts Dan's Samsung. "Oh yes, it's quite easy for me to upload this video of our dog chasing his tail to Vine. Your Samsung can't do that?", I ask innocently while gloating inside.

Picture
Like any good mother, I want my kids to put their heads in the oven with me so they can be on my side, not Dad's side. (The oven would be on very, very low and everyone would have their heads wrapped in oven mitts). This is why Kyle has an iPhone, Emma has an iPad Mini, Ryan has an iPod Touch and just last month, when Ryan turned 13, he became an official put your head in the oven, iPhone user. Well, maybe "user" isn't the correct word, more like an iPhone "owner", or iPhone "shelf decorator" (that's two words), since Ryan's iPhone has seen little to no use, besides that first day when I forced his head into the oven with mine.

As parents, it is our job to lead our children safely into the age of technology, making them choose the technological path that is right for them without trying to sway them too much to "our side". This is true for most things in the parenting department. Whether it's smart phones, religion, college selection or dating prospects, we parents are suppose to guide, not choose. For example, the main character in the book, "Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret." , Margaret is trying to figure out which religion she belongs to since her mother's family is Christian and her father's family is Jewish. With both families trying to convince Margaret where she belongs, trying to pull her to their "side", Margaret turns to God while trying to figure out her own choices and not letting family influence her. 

Clearly, Dan believes I am trying to force Ryan into believing in the Apple Gods which is why it made perfect sense that I would jump on the iPhone 5c as the ideal 13th birthday gift for Ryan. However, if I'm being AWEnest, it wasn't so much my belief in Steve Jobs that caused me to push Ryan's head in the oven with mine as much as it was my desire to have Ryan "be like everyone else'. It seems that just when I think I have removed Denial from my Favorites on my iPhone, I find myself calling her again and again, "Are you there Denial? It's me, Kate."

Picture
Unfortunately, no matter how many iPhone upgrades I get, how many iOS operating systems I download, or how many factory resets I do, Denial always remain somewhere in the vastness of the iCloud, always at my disposal, waiting for my call. Regardless of how far down on my Favorites Denial goes, no matter how many times I have deleted her contact information, thanks to the Cloud, Denial is always there, ready to answer my call when I get caught up in the "everyone is doing it" mindset that so often does not apply to my son.

Denial assured me that with this new iPhone, Ryan would become more social. After all, it's easier to socialize via texts, tweets, and posts. Yet Ryan's iPhone has remained on his dresser for most of a month, with Siri begging for something to do. The iPod Touch, is still Ryan's go to, the iPhone, which "every kid" would love to have, sits on his dresser collecting dust. It didn't help that the original iPhone 5c we bought Ryan had a glitch and it deleted all of Ryan's overpriced data in 48 hours and put the fear of God and Verizon Overage Charges in my boy's psyche, but, mostly, I believe the reason Ryan's iPhone has become a dust collector is because Ryan is more like his dad, not quite ready to stick his head in the oven just because everyone else is doing it, or because good old mom had Siri ring up Denial for me....again.

Needless to say, when you aren't sure how the oven works, or how other people hanging out in the oven with you may respond to your new found place in the oven, it's easy to understand the fear of being burnt. Taking social risks for Ryan, whether it's in the school lunchroom or via a text in the privacy and safety of his bedroom, is scary. Ryan wants his response to be cool, to be "right", to be perfect. Rather than risk getting burnt, much to my dismay, Ryan has decided to keep the oven off and now it's Dan's turn to gloat.

I know it makes perfect sense that I want Ryan to text, tweet, post, and snap like all the other kids his age. And even when Ryan's words, "you know I'm not a real social guy" rang in my head at the Verizon store, I believed in my heart, that the magic of Apple would change all of that, or at the very least, I believed being social on social media, might come more easily for Ryan than being social face to face. Denial tweeted that she believed it too, #letsgetsocial, so of course I proudly retweeted it, right from Ryan's new, white iPhone 5c (that is costing us $50 a month to collect dust).

Picture
When I either intentionally call or butt dial Denial, Denial usually steers me in the wrong direction, because Denial tends to see the world more through my eyes rather than through Ryan's eyes. This time though, I believe that the joy Ryan felt when he opened his new iPhone is truly how he feels in his heart and on his birthday, in that moment, there was no denying Ryan's joy when he opened that iPhone. Denial may have caused me to turn the oven on a little too soon, but, I think in time, Ryan may actually love the oven (sorry Dad) and in time he may just retweet Denial's #letsgetsocial. Just like so many developmental milestones with Ryan, all things eventually come to him, it just takes a little longer for him to catch on to the notion that "everyone is doing it" whether that's walking, talking, texting or tweeting. 

Picture
Will Ryan become a social media extraordinaire or the next YouTube sensation? Will Ryan's iPhoto be as filled with selfies and photos of friends as his big brother Kyle or his aging, still trying to be cool, mother? I doubt it, but, I do believe in time, Ryan will feel comfortable texting and posting his latest Minecraft zombie kill on Instagram. Ryan once told me being social is difficult because "it's hard to think fast", and the magic of Apple, Samsung, and Droid is that no matter which oven you decide to stick your head into, you can ignore, delete, silence or have Siri respond for you, after you have had time to "think" and formulate a response. Maybe it's still Denial talking, but, I believe socializing on social media will open, or at the very least crack, the oven door a little wider in all things social for Ryan, regardless of which oven he chooses.

Just like Margaret had to figure out who she was on her own regardless of the influences of family, peers, and the pressure of growing up, Ryan will find his place regardless of the influence of his dad, his mom, or his mom's BFF, Denial. Whether it's smart phones, religion, school socials, proms, or career choices, Ryan will need our guidance, but, ultimately Ryan will choose. Perhaps Ryan will stick his head in the "everybody's doing it" oven with me, the non-conformist oven with his father, or his very own, yet to be determined, oven. 

Regardless of which oven Ryan chooses, he will figure it out his way, in his own time. I just hope that whatever path Ryan embarks upon, he will take loads of photos that he can share with me in iPhoto, send me tons of iMessages to fill me in on what he's up to, and FaceTime me regularly to let me know where he is heading next, so that I can proudly tweet, text, and post from my latest, greatest iPhone, assuming, that I can get my head out of the oven in order to do so.

Picture
iPhone, Samsung, Droid, it doesn't matter, selfies with mom just aren't cool.
2 Comments
Nat
9/25/2014 11:25:45 am

You know my story-19 year old college student son,who also happens to have ASD.
When he first was diagnosed,kids had no cell phones,there was no facebook,they had no clue what a selfie was.But even as more and more kids around him became owners of the newest gadget and active users of social media -like twitter or instagram-he never felt comfortable with any of it.I wonder if kids with ASD have an intuitive way of bucking peer pressure and aren't sucked in by it.
This doesn't mean that they aren't aware of what goes on around them,I think it is actually that they are very aware-and see it as uninteresting,pointless and trivial teenage angst and drama.My sons words not mine!He's just not a very 'shary' person,and FB,twitter,and instagram feel to him like TMI from people that he is ok to be friends with,but really has no interest in knowing every little detail of their lives.
Social media is as much about sharing ourselves with others,as it it allowing others to come into our space that is private and personal.Your son may just not like having other lives invade his to that degree.

Reply
Lynnet
9/25/2014 12:51:38 pm

AWESOME reality check! I bet when you upgrade to the 6 and give him your 4 he will use it!! The glitch that affected his 5C probably scared him off. I know that is not the point of the social aspect of this post, but it might work. "Social" media doesn't have to be FB or Twitter or Instagram. If he is communicating with others on his iPod then maybe that is good enough for Ryan, for now.
P.S. I am TOTALLY hooked and LOVE my 6, iPad and Macbook Air!

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    The Mighty Contributor

       Author

    Picture
    Keeping it real, raw, and AWEnest while laughing, loving and living in our world 
    touched by Autism.
    If you would like to subscribe to this blog ...

    Enter your email address:

    Delivered by FeedBurner

    Definition of Awe:
    "a mixed emotion of
    reverence, respect, dread and wonder inspired by authority, genius, great
    beauty, sublimity or might." Yep, someone should have consulted a mom 
    before
    spelling AWEtism.

    Archives

    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013

    Categories

    All
    A Blink Of An Eye
    Acceptance
    Advocates
    Aestivation
    Alone
    ASD
    ASD
    ASD And Disney
    ASD Empathy
    Asd Love
    Atypical
    Austin Powers
    Autism
    Autism Acceptance
    Autism Adults
    Autism And Alone
    Autism And Disney
    Autism And Emotions
    Autism And Fevers
    Autism And Field Trips
    Autism And Friends
    Autism And Homework
    Autism And Hope
    Autism And Lonely
    Autism And Media
    Autism And Police Interaction
    Autism Awareness
    Autism Awareness 2016
    Autism Brothers
    Autism Emotions
    Autism Empathy
    Autism Feelings
    Autism Friends
    Autism Idioms
    Autism Journey
    Autism Lessons
    Autism Love
    Autism Meltdown
    Autism Moms
    Autism Routine
    Autism Routines
    Autism Self Advocacy
    Autism Self-Awareness
    Autism Siblings
    Autism Speaks
    Autism Spectrum Disorders
    Autism Swimming
    Autism Tour Guide
    Autistic Enough
    Awe Inspiring
    Awe-inspiring
    Back To School
    Baseball
    Beach
    Beauty
    Beauty Is In The Eye Of The Beholder
    Big
    Black And White Thinking
    Brady Bunch
    Bravery
    Breaking Bad
    Bridge Over Troubled Water
    Bugs
    Bullying
    Champion
    Change
    Change Of Heart
    Changes
    Chatty Cathy Doll
    Childhood
    Christmas
    Clothes And Autism
    Clueless
    College
    Communicating
    Communication Skills
    Comparing Disabilities
    Confidence
    Conscious Uncoupling
    Creepers
    Criticsm
    Day Of Pampering
    Death And Dying
    Denial
    Diet
    Differences
    Different
    Different Not Less
    Disability
    Disney World
    Donkey
    Donuts
    Dr. Seuss
    Early Bird Gets The Worm
    Eddie Murphy
    Ed Sheeran
    Educators
    Emily Dickinson
    Emoji
    Estivation
    Facebook
    Facial Cues
    Fear Of Santa
    Fears
    Fifty Shades Of Grey
    First
    Flags Of Autism
    Friends
    Gifts
    Groundhog Day
    Growing Up
    Guest Blogger
    Hades
    Halloween
    Happy
    He Is There
    Helicoptoring
    He Loves Me
    He Loves Me Not
    History Of Autism
    Holidays And Autism
    Homecoming
    Homework
    Honesty
    Hope
    Hovering
    Hygiene
    Hygiene Autism
    I Am Sorry
    I Am You
    Idioms
    Include
    Inclusion
    Inside Out
    Instagram
    Invisible
    IPhone
    It Takes A Village
    John Elder Robison
    Judgement
    Julia Muppet
    Kate Upton
    Kisses
    Language
    Left Out
    Legacy Of Autism
    Letter To Me
    Letter To My Son
    Lifeguard
    Limited Diet
    Listen To Your Heart
    Literal Thinking
    Loch Ness Monster
    Loving A Child With Autism
    Matthew McConaughey
    Minecraft
    Minecraft Autism
    Moms
    Mother's Day
    Mothers Day
    Mothers Disabled Children
    Mothers Love
    Mothers Of Children With Autism
    Music
    Musical Gift
    Music Autism
    Myths About Autism
    Neurotribes
    New Clothes
    New Years
    Not Alone
    Not Less
    Parenting
    Peanut Gallery
    People Magazine
    Peter Brady Voice Change
    Pets
    Piano
    Placebo Effect
    Play
    Pointing
    Police
    Pool
    Proud To Stand Out
    Read Across America
    Relief Pitcher
    Remorse
    Risks
    Rituals
    Roar
    Routines
    Same Old Song And Dance
    School
    Scripting
    Sensory
    Sesame Street
    Sharing Interests
    Sharks
    Showers
    Showing
    Shrek
    Siblings
    Singing
    Small Talk
    Social
    Social Circles
    Social Communication Disorder
    Social Media
    Social Skills
    Speech
    Stereotypes
    Steve Silberman
    Stickers
    Summer
    Summer Camps Autism
    Support
    Surfers Healing
    Talk The Talk
    #TBT
    Teacher
    Teachers
    Team
    Temple Grandin
    Thankful
    Thanksgiving
    The AWEnesty Of Autism
    The A Word
    #thedress
    The Jeffersons
    The Old Me
    The Outsiders
    Throwback Thursday
    To Tell Or Not To Tell
    Touch
    Trick Or Treat
    Trying To Understand
    Unexpected
    Vacations And Autism
    Vacations And Autism
    Video Games
    Walk The Walk
    Walter White
    Weather
    Wheaties
    Wine
    Wishes
    Wizard Of Oz
    Words
    World Autism Awareness Day
    Zombies

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.