We are told, of that first Christmas so long ago, that the Three Wise Men traveled miles and miles from the east following a star to find the baby Jesus. There was no proof that this baby was the Son of God, or proof that the star they followed would lead them to the baby, but the Wise Men wrapped the first gifts of Christmas, packed their camels and off they went (Can you imagine how uncomfortable that trip must have been? As the youngest of five girls, I always had to sit on "the hump" in the car and even for a short trip, it was not pleasant.). Throwing comfort aside, the Wise Men traveled a great distance to meet this baby that was prophesized to them. This baby that was foretold to the Wise Men would be different than any baby before him or any baby since. The Wise Men had no proof, they had no scientific data, no laboratory evidence, no DNA to prove a virgin birth and no GPS. Nope, the Wise Men went to Bethlehem, not because they had empirical evidence, but, because they believed.
According to Webster, to believe is to "accept as true or real; to have faith, confidence or trust". Maybe it was easier to believe back in Biblical times. There was no Google, no data at the tip of the Wise Men's fingers to test their belief, no Twitter to tweet their belief only to have others re-tweet, comment, and denounce their belief. The Christmas season is immersed in the ability to believe. To believe in the birth of Jesus, to believe in Santa Claus, to believe in flying reindeer, to believe in a talking snowman, to believe in a magical train to the North Pole. Even to believe in the good of mankind (Wow, with all the negative social media and news at our fingertips, believing in the Grinch might be easier than believing in mankind).
Most of the Christmas television shows and movies are designed to make children believe. To believe that Santa can travel the globe in 24 hours, or that a flying red-nosed reindeer can save Christmas or that a Grinch's heart can grow three sizes in one day. The irony is, most children do believe. It is us grown ups who need convincing (which is evident by my smug retort at the goodness of mankind). Children don't need proof, they don't need empirical evidence to convince them that Christmas magic is possible, because children don't believe with their minds, they believe with their hearts. And that's why we adults lose our ability to believe somewhere along the way. We grown ups become as cynical and tarnished as old, forgotten Christmas ornaments. Typically, the only cure for our adult cynicism is to believe like a child, and sometimes, it is to believe in a child.
Rudolph, the Red Nosed Reindeer One of my all time favorite Christmas shows is, without a doubt, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. It is a timeless classic, that I have loved since childhood. I love the show even more today, for what it represents....that being different is not a bad thing, in fact, being different might just make you a hero. Rudolph's differences, and the unwillingness of others to accept his differences, lead him to run away from people who all seemed "the same". Rudolph hoped to find a place where he would fit in, but alas, even on the Island of Misfit Toys, Rudolph couldn't blend because, although different than all the other reindeer, Rudolph was not a toy. Yes, even among misfits, Rudolph and his equally different elf friend Herme, were misfits. Although Rudolph may have not found his place on The Island of Misfit Toys, he believed that children in the world had enough love in their hearts to love toys that were "different", even a Charlie in the Box or a squirt gun that shoots jelly. Once Rudolph discovered his difference could make a difference he rescued the misfit toys, knowing full well, children would believe even misfit toys deserve to be loved.
When Ryan was younger, the innocence and the ability to believe, made children unaware of his differences which made fitting in and being accepted much easier. Kids believed Ryan was just like them, no ASD, no quirky traits, just a quiet, sometimes angry little guy, who kept to himself. As kids got bigger, Ryan's differences became bigger too and it was harder for kids to accept and understand his differences. More and more frequently Ryan, felt like he belonged on The Island of Misfit Toys. A safe, accepting island where Ryan felt like he belonged with other kids more like him. I believe, these kids don't need to jump on the first iceberg that floats by to escape a world filled with sameness, these kids need a misfit reindeer...or a loving, somewhat neurotic mom, to believe in them.
All the Christmas shows have a belief element to them, but what they also have, that often goes unnoticed, is the protagonist of the story, finds someone who believes in him, before he is able to believe in himself. Think about it, Rudolph had Herme, the Grinch had Cindy Lou Who, Frosty had Karen, and George Bailey had Clarence the Guardian Angel. Even Ebenezer Scrooge's old partner, Jacob Marley, believed enough in Scrooge that he carried his heaven chains for the netherworld and haunted Scrooge one Christmas Eve in an effort to save him. Once these "misfits" had someone believe in them, they could finally believe in themselves. I wish I would have picked up on this story line many, many Christmases ago.
All the Christmas shows have a belief element to them, but what they also have, that often goes unnoticed, is the protagonist of the story, finds someone who believes in him, before he is able to believe in himself. Think about it, Rudolph had Herme, the Grinch had Cindy Lou Who, Frosty had Karen, and George Bailey had Clarence the Guardian Angel. Even Ebenezer Scrooge's old partner, Jacob Marley, believed enough in Scrooge that he carried his heaven chains for the netherworld and haunted Scrooge one Christmas Eve in an effort to save him. Once these "misfits" had someone believe in them, they could finally believe in themselves. I wish I would have picked up on this story line many, many Christmases ago.
I admit, like the kid in the Polar Express, there have been times over the years that I was "a doubter". After spending so much time worrying about Ryan's future, there were times I was missing his present. My fear from all things Google, often impaired my ability to believe. However, it was Ryan who helped me believe, who helped me see past my own fears, who helped me to understand, that just like Rudolph and the Misfit Toys, having someone believe in you, differences and all, makes an uncertain future, as bright as a shiny, red nose. It took an ASD diagnosis, "accidentally" pushing Denial off Santa's sleigh, and watching my boy continue to overcome obstacles to make me believe like a child on Christmas morning. I still worry, I still have moments of doubt, but, those moments melt away faster than Frosty in a greenhouse, as my Ryan, with his uncanny ability to overcome, makes me believe.
I'm sure occasionally Ryan would still love to jump on an iceberg and find an Island of Misfits, an island filled with kids who are just like him, but, I think most days, Ryan is happy being just who he is and he believes in himself. Unlike Rudolph, who had to save Christmas to get people to believe in him, Ryan has always had a group of believers. Whether it's been a teacher who saw past his different style of learning and adapted her way of teaching, or a piano teacher who saw past his anxiety to the talent hidden behind the fear, or the chorale teacher who heard the beautiful voice behind the concern of trying something new. Or a mother, who although scared, worried and initially heartbroken, saw through the label, through the differences, through the scary internet descriptions, to the boy who hid behind the differences....the boy whose uniqueness is not less, it is AWEsome.
The ability to believe, may not give you statistical certainty that a man in a red suit is the mother of all toy bearers, or that a red nosed reindeer once saved Christmas, or that a baby born thousands of years ago was different than any baby before or after him, because believing is not a number, a piece of evidence or a logical explanation. Believing is a feeling....a feeling inside your heart. So, no matter what my eyes may see on the internet, no matter what my ears my hear from professionals and no matter what my brain may obsess and internalize, it is my heart that I must trust. For it is the love inside my heart that gives me faith in my son, and strengthens my ability to believe that Ryan's differences make him as unique and outstanding as a red nosed reindeer, not a misfit toy on a frozen, deserted island.
Although my uniquely amazing boy may not save Christmas, he has found a way to save me. Ryan has saved me from believing in a world where everyone should look the same, act the same, and be the same. A boring world where I once believed it was so important to "fit in". A world that once upon a time, there would have been no place for different, no place for him. I believe that the world will continue to get better at accepting different, and I believe that one day the world will believe, like me, "different, not less". I believe in Christmas magic, I believe in that exceptional birth so long ago, and I believe in my son. And because I believe in Ryan, he believes in himself, and that my friends is the difference between canceling Christmas and using our differences to light the way.
I hope that not only at Christmas time, but, each and every day, you believe.
I hope that not only at Christmas time, but, each and every day, you believe.
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