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Bring It 2018

12/30/2017

4 Comments

 
As we approach the end of another year, we tend to look back and reflect. For some of us, we can't wait to flush 2017 and get on with a new fresh start as we excitedly await the ball drop in Times Square, while others may have heavy hearts and trepidation for what 2018 may bring.

Every New Year's Eve I found myself somewhere in between. Straddling the time gap between what was and what will be. Begging Father Time for just one more moment here before he pushes my kids and me there. Holding onto the past while looking forward to the future.

It's easy to preach "live in the moment" or "seize the day" or "take it one day at a time", but, it's not quite so easy to do. For this old lady, who is somewhat reluctant to step forward and leave a great 2017, I think I'm even more concerned about what 2018 will bring. You see, moving forward means one more year closer to the end of Ryan's high school career, so the fear of "what's next" tends to reverberate through my brain as loudly as those damn horns my kids love to blow on New Year's Eve.

The year 2018 will begin the start of college searches, SAT and ACT preparation, drivers license and career ideas. All of which is equally exciting and terrifying and signifies Ryan's movement towards leaving this protective bubble I've tried to create for him. What if 2018 is the year the bubble pops? 

Before the backlash begins about how fortunate he is to be able to plan such a future, I want you to know I am incredibly grateful he can, incredibly proud he wants to, but, still incredibly scared he plans to. There are not enough heart emojis in the world to represent my pride in how far he has come and how much work he has done since we first heard The A Word over a decade ago.

What has changed in this past decade is not my worry and fear about what Ryan can or can't do, because he has proven time and time again that if he wants to do it, he can do it. What worries me, as we continue to move forward into the future, is whether or not a college, a boss, the world believes he can. Are they ready to embrace him? Are they ready to accept all the wonderful that comes along with neurodiversity? Are they willing to think outside the box and see how beautiful the inside of a different box can be?

Unless that ball in Times Square is a crystal one, I won't be able to see what is in store for my son in 2018 as he stands next to me counting down to his future, but, what I can see, what I can predict, as I straddle the gap between what was and what will be, is a courageous teenager who continues to prove that without a world of "different" the world would most undoubtedly be less.

So bring it 2018, my son is waiting for you (even if I'm not).
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4 Comments
Fallon
12/30/2017 09:59:40 pm

I so feel mixed sentiments on saying good bye to 2017 and welcoming a new year. My son was diagnosed with ASD this past year at the age of 2. It was incredibly hard for me to hear his diagnosis, especially at such a young age. Having to shift your view of your child’s future when they are so young. But at the same time, he’s made such incredible progress this year. Emerging as verbal and if moving forward on most fronts. While we have such a long way to go and stare down an endless string of question marks about his future...im grateful. Grateful that there are blogs like this and people like you in the world that make ours seems a little less foreign. Glances of what our future may look like. And grateful for my son, who despite challenges continues to amaze me. He may not follow everyone else’s timeline, but his heart and spirit blow me away constantly. In 2018, I hope he can continue to show me what he has this past year.

Thanks for what you write here. It gives moms like me a little bit of what our future may look like. XO

Reply
forsythia link
1/12/2018 04:53:09 am

Our grandson is 15. I admire Ryan for all he has accomplished. Right now, our beloved grandson is floundering. The transition from middle school to high school was extremely difficult for him. I wish his parents were on the same page and that his dad would stop yelling at him so much. I think the poor kid probably has PTSD from years of his dad's yelling and from his mother's well-meaning attempts to make him do what she thinks is right. They might be beginning to see the light. I hope so.

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Klara Eliza
1/18/2018 05:14:32 pm

I relish your style of writing as well as you candid snapshots and reflections of life with a son on the spectrum. As a teenage girl on the spectrum, I relate to Ryan. I feel so much empathy when reading these posts and completely understand his feelings of loneliness and alienation from other kids. I too dress differently (though we wear uniforms at school, so it is not much of an issue), ignore social media, and script. I've scripted for years, but I first found out what it was on this blog. Ryan sounds like just the kind of person I would be friends with. You are an amazing mom!

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Kate link
1/19/2018 10:46:18 am

Thank you Klara! Your words mean the world to me. I wish you and Ryan were in the same school! Wishing you a great rest of the school year...almost half way there!!

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