Now that Ryan is almost 12, I KNOW he will be able to live alone...in fact, he is probably counting down the days until he can. The marriage thing is still questionable as it is for most fifth graders (AWEnestly, do you think Marty McFly could have gone Back To The Future to predict Chaz for Cher? Would she have really wanted to know?). As for what Ryan will "be" when he grows up, well I have that one all figured out and I have known it for years. Dan and I won't need that college fund for Ryan and we can feel free to blow our retirement now because Ryan is going to become rich and famous as the next Larvelle Jones. Larvelle who?!
If I asked my readers that grew up in the '80's who was Sgt. Larvelle Jones, most would have no idea. However, if I said remember the dude from the Police Academy Movie who could do all the sound effects and noises, most people would give me an, "Oh yeah, thaaaaaat guy." Sgt. Larvelle Jones became famous for his ability to mimic any sound he heard. You have to admit, after Steve Guttenberg had a baby with Tom Selleck and Ted Danson, he went off the radar, but if you search "Police Academy sound effects guy" on YouTube, you will get a ton of hits. Michael Winslow is Sgt. Larvelle Jones, aka, The Police Academy Sound Effects Guy, and he can reportedly mimic over 10,000 sounds. You have to admit, that is a rare, quirky, made him rich quick talent. Oh, how a mom can dream.
I have no idea why Ryan likes to make funny noises or why at Christmas he sounds more like Jim Carrey in the Grinch than he sounds like Ryan, I just know when he does it, he is smiling, so it must make him happy. Whatever the reason, Ryan is freakishly good at mimicking sounds and impersonating what or who he sees on the television or on the video game screen. For a while, it was Kinectimals, a Kinect game for the Xbox 360 where you play with and take care of virtual tiger cubs. I was getting pawed, rubbed on and purred at quite regularly. At first it seemed a little freaky so I would say, "I love this baby tiger, but I sure love my little boy Ryan even more." Ryan would ignore me and keep rubbing, pawing and purring away, so like any good mother who "gets it", I would pat his head, purr back and remind him that kids at school won't think he is a tiger cub, they will think he is a punching bag. Sigh.
Unfortunately, when the Back to the Future movie franchise ended, Marty McFly took his time machine DeLorean with him, so I can't be certain what Ryan will "be" in 15 years, but I can guarantee if Larvelle Jones passes on a Police Academy remake, Ryan stands a good shot. However, if the Police Academy movies remain in the 80's where ultimately they belong, Lorne Michaels may give Ryan a shot on Saturday Night Live, THE pinnacle of impersonators, impressionists, sound effects making, quirky folks. After all, look what Sarah Palin did for Tina Fey. Ryan may not be the future president, but he could imitate one on TV. In the mean time, I will continue to remind Ryan that the funny noises he makes as he impersonates The Grinch should not be done at the bus stop or on the playground, it should be done at home where he is safe from teasing and recriminations from those less understanding. A place where people who love him appreciate his uncanny ability to mimic to a tee who and what he hears. And although sometimes the noises and the facial expressions seem odd, if it makes Ryan feel good and it potentially could provide him with a secure future and the funds for a top notch nursing home for his mother and father, then so be it.
Whether it's the big screen or the small screen, whether or not Ryan is on the screen or in front of it, one day when Ryan "makes it", the bullies who teased him, laughed at him and did not appreciate his unique talent, will be eating mud....metaphorically speaking, sadly not literally eating mud thanks to bigger bullies smashing their face in the mud. Like I said, a mom can dream, can't she? Hollywood may never enter Ryan's mind, after all, there are earthquakes out there, but whatever the future holds for my incredibly beautiful and unique son, you can bet the world will be brighter, funnier and more entertaining because he is in it. Regardless of the stage, platform or outlet, Ryan chooses, you can bet I will be in the audience applauding, beaming and cheering "EEEEE HEEEEE" as his biggest fan.