Thanksgiving is upon us...again. I swear I just put away the sparklers and pull floats from the 4th of July celebration! Time to move on....next holiday, next traditions. Time to start planning meals, making travel plans, and listing the 30 things I am thankful for on Facebook (sorry, I don't do that and it's not because I'm not thankful, I just know I wouldn't be able to keep up, thus making me seem not only thankless, but brainless). I'm betting the early settlers and the Wampanoag Indians had no idea the stress the "Harvest Festival of 1621", aka, The First Thanksgiving, would evoke upon us modern day Thanksgiving planners.
The First Thanksgiving, occurred somewhere between September and November in 1621, when the Pilgrims decided to be gracious and invite 90 of their Wampanoag Indian neighbors for a little sit down. After all, the Indians basically saved many of the Pilgrims from starvation after teaching them how to farm and survive in this new, strange land, so the least the Pilgrims could do is have them over for a harvest festival. That First Thanksgiving must have been good since it lasted three days. Can you even imagine? Three days of a house crammed with family, in-laws, snotty, germy children, blaring football games, turkey, parades, chaos and still more turkey? Ummmm, no thank you, I can AWEnestly see why that tradition faded away.
Don't get me wrong, I love Thanksgiving, all the yummy food, time with family, turkey tryptophan napping, oh, and did I mention the food, specifically my mother's stuffing? Yes, Thanksgiving is a wonderful holiday, steeped in century old traditions, but everything in moderation people. Do you think Squanto and Miles Standish eventually tired of trying to entertain and accomodate all the Indians and the Pilgrims (whom by the way did not refer to themselves as Pilgrims, and rumor has it, they did not have big silver buckles on their shoes...thank goodness, what a hideous shoe that was)? It must have been exhausting making sure there were enough leftovers for the next day, enough homes and wetus to sleep in, and enough games to entertain everyone. Add to that the nervousness and unease of putting two groups together with such huge language and cultural barriers, which could have easily lead to offended guests and a little Thanksgiving Day bloodshed. Perhaps this three day celebration is where the term, "the natives are getting restless" originated. A three day harvest festival to show thanks that could have been equally appreciative in 24 hours or less.
The First Thanksgiving, occurred somewhere between September and November in 1621, when the Pilgrims decided to be gracious and invite 90 of their Wampanoag Indian neighbors for a little sit down. After all, the Indians basically saved many of the Pilgrims from starvation after teaching them how to farm and survive in this new, strange land, so the least the Pilgrims could do is have them over for a harvest festival. That First Thanksgiving must have been good since it lasted three days. Can you even imagine? Three days of a house crammed with family, in-laws, snotty, germy children, blaring football games, turkey, parades, chaos and still more turkey? Ummmm, no thank you, I can AWEnestly see why that tradition faded away.
Don't get me wrong, I love Thanksgiving, all the yummy food, time with family, turkey tryptophan napping, oh, and did I mention the food, specifically my mother's stuffing? Yes, Thanksgiving is a wonderful holiday, steeped in century old traditions, but everything in moderation people. Do you think Squanto and Miles Standish eventually tired of trying to entertain and accomodate all the Indians and the Pilgrims (whom by the way did not refer to themselves as Pilgrims, and rumor has it, they did not have big silver buckles on their shoes...thank goodness, what a hideous shoe that was)? It must have been exhausting making sure there were enough leftovers for the next day, enough homes and wetus to sleep in, and enough games to entertain everyone. Add to that the nervousness and unease of putting two groups together with such huge language and cultural barriers, which could have easily lead to offended guests and a little Thanksgiving Day bloodshed. Perhaps this three day celebration is where the term, "the natives are getting restless" originated. A three day harvest festival to show thanks that could have been equally appreciative in 24 hours or less.
When we think of Thanksgiving, typically the first thing that comes to mind is food. Making the menu, grocery shopping along with the Thanksgiving masses, deciding how many people will be at the table, how many side dishes, how many days of leftovers the family can stand thus determining just how big of a turkey should be purchased, thawed out and cooked just in time for guests to arrive. Although the Pilgrims, or whatever they called themselves, and the Indians had plenty of food, much of what we serve at our Thanksgiving table is not what the first Thanksgiving party goers dined on. According to historical records, there was indeed turkey at that first Thanksgiving feast, but quail, duck and carrier pigeons (for some reason the thought of stuffing a carrier pigeon made me equally sad and repulsed) along with deer, fish, corn, and an assortment of nuts and berries graced the plates of our first American settlers (stop calling them Pilgrims). I'm sad to report that mashed potatoes, stuffing and (gasp) pumpkin pie were not served at The Harvest Festival of 1621! What?! Maybe it was the lack of an oven or that Libby hadn't started squishing pumpkin guts into a can, but chances are, no pumpkin pie or Cool Whip passed the lips of the First Thanksgiving Feast attendees. I know, it' sad, right?
Although that first Thanksgiving was a time to celebrate a bountiful harvest, and be thankful for the food bestowed upon them, chances are the Pilgrims (whatever) and the Indians didn't spend a great deal of time around the Thanksgiving table listing all the things they were grateful for that day. Had Facebook existed back in 1621, chances are the First Thanksgiving guests wouldn't have listed 30 various reasons to be thankful, they would have had just one...that they didn't starve or freeze to death (Does that count as two?) that first winter like 46 out of the 102 Pilgrims did. Now, aren't you feeling just a little guilty about being thankful for that front row parking spot you gloated about on your November 22nd Facebook post?
Yes, much has changed since the first Thanksgiving (thank heavens), but one thing that has remained pretty consistent is the focus on the feast...the food. And if you are the cook preparing the food or a kid with an ASD whose diet consists of about 12 things (none of which happen to be on the Thanksgiving Day table), then Charlie Brown's Thanksgiving dinner, could very well be a spread worth posting in Bon Appetit Magazine. Although, Peppermint Patty was indignant and offended poor Chuck by shouting out her disappointment of a feast that consisted of buttered toast, popcorn and jelly beans, Ryan would have been exuberant...his ideal cornucopia. If Charlie Brown and Snoopy were cooking Thanksgiving Dinner, Ryan's plate would actually have something on it besides just a bun.
Holidays for many kids with an ASD are difficult, and since Thanksgiving tends to be filled with more....more food, more people, more noise, more smells and more chaos, it sometimes can be the toughest. There are many changes in routine, changes in location, changes in people and changes in food. With these kids' heightened sensory systems and need for sameness, a 24 hour Thanksgiving celebration is long enough, three days would have sent these kiddos sailing back to England on The Mayflower. With so many changes, kids with an ASD may not be on their best behavior at Thanksgiving and of course it just happens to be the one day out of the year that well intended relatives get to see your bundle of joy and share with you all of their suggestions, advice, and tricks on how to nip your child's "behavior" in the bud. As a parent, you are often on edge....waiting for the blow up, the melt down or some comment that will send you spiraling into a turkey hazed frenzy. It's probably just how edgy the Indians felt when the Pilgrims invited them to their first feast...anxiously watching and waiting.
Holidays for many kids with an ASD are difficult, and since Thanksgiving tends to be filled with more....more food, more people, more noise, more smells and more chaos, it sometimes can be the toughest. There are many changes in routine, changes in location, changes in people and changes in food. With these kids' heightened sensory systems and need for sameness, a 24 hour Thanksgiving celebration is long enough, three days would have sent these kiddos sailing back to England on The Mayflower. With so many changes, kids with an ASD may not be on their best behavior at Thanksgiving and of course it just happens to be the one day out of the year that well intended relatives get to see your bundle of joy and share with you all of their suggestions, advice, and tricks on how to nip your child's "behavior" in the bud. As a parent, you are often on edge....waiting for the blow up, the melt down or some comment that will send you spiraling into a turkey hazed frenzy. It's probably just how edgy the Indians felt when the Pilgrims invited them to their first feast...anxiously watching and waiting.
With three kids and their busy schedules, holidays just happen to be the occasions when most of my family gets to spend time with my kids, and with all the chaos, all the change, and all the people, needless to say, Ryan is not quite himself. Don't get me wrong, Ryan loves to go visit with family. He loves the road trip, he loves his grandparents and he loves all the special treats they have just for him. Ryan never complains about being there or whines to come home. And even though the Thanksgiving table is filled with foods he wouldn't dream of putting in his mouth, Ryan is still content to sit up to the table...as long as he is on an end....as long as there is bread or buns on his plate....as long as there is a juice bag next to his plate and as long as his favorite Pilgrim prepares a box of Velveeta Shells and Cheese.
It wasn't always that easy. When Ryan was younger and refused to eat anything that was put in front of him, but couldn't tell us, "I don't like the texture of meat. I'm a vegetarian." (even though he eats 100% all beef hot dogs) his behavior would look more like a spoiled child. And of course as Clueless bellied up to the table alongside all those relatives who only get to see Ryan a few times a year, shouts of, "He will eat when he's hungry", "If you make him something different, he will expect something different every time." or my personal favorite, "No, Burger King isn't open on Thanksgiving Day!", echoed off the closing in walls. Eventually, Ryan would "get his way" and I could feel the vibes of disproval shoot across the table, right through the turkey's heart and into my own. It was hard to explain to Clueless and to family members something even I didn't quite understand yet. All I knew, like the Pilgrims and the Indians, I didn't want bloodshed, so I did "give in" and allowed Ryan to eat whatever he wanted, even if it was a bun (no butter) and a Jello Vanilla Pudding. If carrier pigeons and Bambi could be eaten at the First Thanksgiving, then Velveeta Shells and Cheese and Jello Vanilla Pudding didn't seem so bad.
Although Thanksgiving has become easier for Ryan, sometimes it is still difficult for me. It's no longer about what is missing from Ryan's plate, it's about what is missing from the Thanksgiving Day Table....the boy that my family rarely gets to see. Even though Ryan is present and at the table (he's still the first one to leave the table), he is never fully "checked in", too concerned with the various noises, smells, and people gathered around that Thanksgiving Day table. Ryan tends to be a little "bossier", grumpier and edgier. Rarely do the other guests at the table get to see his light, his happiness, his joy, his love. Ryan has come so far since his first several Thanksgivings, and that my friends, is something to be thankful for, and believe me, I am. Not just on Thanksgiving, but, every single day. I guess I'm sort of like the Wampanoag Indians, wanting the Pilgrims (or whoever they were) to see all the bountiful beauty that lies within a strange and misunderstood land. A beauty, that once understood, will not have folks sailing back to familiar ground, but make them want to stick around and see just what other beauty this mysterious land has yet to unfold.
Happy Thanksgiving!
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