All content on this website is copyrighted and may not be shared or copied without the author's permission
The AWEnesty of Autism
  • Blog
  • Contact Me
  • About Us
  • AWEnest Advocacy

The Invisible Man

1/15/2014

1 Comment

 
Picture
Have you ever had one of those days where you just wish you were invisible? A day where everyone and everything is coming at you all at once and the idea of "disappearing" so no one can nag, whine and demand your undivided attention is so appealing, that you long for the "unexplained accident" in the lab that occurs in almost every Invisible Man story. It's funny, it's always an Invisible Man. A television network made a pilot for an Invisible Woman show a few years back, but, audiences failed to relate, not because women don't belong in science labs, but, because we all know households would shut down if Mom really became invisible. In almost every Invisible Man story ever told, the Invisible Man is portrayed as a villain who uses his invisibility power for evil. Whether it was H.G. Wells Invisible Man in 1897, or Batman's nemesis in DC Comics in 2006, or even Jerry, the Invisible Man (ok, fine, the Invisible MOUSE) in a 1947 Tom and Jerry episode, the desire to wreak havoc while invisible is a temptation just too hard to resist. I promise that if someone has an Invisibility Serum, I will not turn to a life of crime. I just want to curl up with my iPad and a bag (the big 2lb bag...don't judge) of M&M's to watch a few episode of Downton Abbey or Girls without hearing, "Mom, I need you." for just a couple hours. Assuming of course the iPad and bag of M&M's could disappear too, otherwise, what's the point?

The one thing most of the Invisible Man stories have in common is that they are always searching for the antidote in order to be seen again. Maybe being invisible, even though you can finally have the upper hand on that tomcat that has tortured you for years, isn't all it's cracked up to be. Even though most of these men felt "invisible" before they swallowed the invisibility serum, surrounded by those who did not "see" them, maybe being permanently invisible felt too strange. I wonder what made them want to "disappear" permanently in the first place? Was it out of frustration due to the numerous occasions when they were still visible, but nobody could see them? Did having people constantly talking about them or around them, as if they were invisible, lead to such aggravation that they felt the need to seek revenge ? Did this frustration lead the various Invisible Men to want to mix up a few chemicals in the lab so they could disappear for good? Although Ryan would never dream of leading a life of crime nor would he just gulp down some serum made in a science lab (unless of course it tasted like root beer), I often wonder if Ryan feels invisible because sadly, some people don't "see" him. As my little Invisible Man, I worry whether or not he longs for the antidote to be seen, or if he prefers to remain hidden in the shadows. 
Picture
Just last week I witnessed a moment where clearly it appeared my son was invisible. It was at the dentist office. When you have a child with an ASD, who is not a fan of the dentist, I'm sure there is a big red flag in the file with the letters A-S-D written on it, warning any newcomer of said child's unease (all my doctors have red flags in my file with the letters C-R-A-Z-Y written on it). The lovely hygienist, whom I had never seen before, came up to me, with Ryan sitting in the chair only inches away, and whispered, "Ryan's regular dentist is on vacation today, but, Dr. So and So can see him. I understand with Ryan's, umm, uhh, (she couldn't say The A Word) difficulties, he may not want to have his exam today." My Invisible Man, who really isn't invisible....or deaf....or stupid, squirmed in his seat next to me, since he understood precisely what this somewhat clueless hygienist said. Of course, Ryan was not comfortable with Dr. So and So performing his tortuous dental exam, but, I'm sure Ryan was not comfortable being talked about as if he were invisible either. I know this hygienist thought she was doing the right thing, in the right way, which is why I didn't go nutsy on her, I simply said, "Why don't you ask him?" through a very phony, teeth gritted smile. She did, and my Invisible Man said, "Yeah, I guess that's fine as long as this new guy doesn't touch my final remaining baby tooth which is very loose." Ryan was told by his "regular" dentist that said baby tooth needed to be out by July and since the snaggle tooth was still dangling inside his mouth (he hates wiggling and brushing if for that matter....gross, I know) I believe that was why Ryan was so agreeable to see Dr. So and So.

I understand that this hygienist did not know my son so she didn't understand the degree of "difficulty" he may have had with a change in his dental appointment routine, but, Ryan is not a toddler, he is a 12 year old boy, and I'd like to think she could have given him the benefit of the doubt by "seeing" Ryan and talking to him. At the very least, the hygienist could have called me to the front desk and had this discussion without behaving like Ryan was invisible. I have seen this happen more times than I care to count. On field trips, at class parties, at friends parties and even at family gatherings. Just because Ryan may remain quiet and doesn't go out of his way to communicate with people he is unfamiliar with, doesn't mean that he is invisible. Ryan is very visible for those who take the time to "see" him.
Picture
I can recall a time when Ryan's invisibility shocked me. Like most schools, each classroom is assigned a room parent. One year, my girlfriend knew Ryan's room parent and so she asked the room parent about Ryan. This room parent, who went into Ryan's classroom with regularity had no idea who my son was. I AWEnestly, don't know why I was so surprised. I know that Ryan struggles socially, but, I guess I thought at least a parent would try to interact with him, or at least know his name. Ryan seems to just blend into the background, either making himself invisible or camouflaging himself with his surroundings in order to avoid any kind of social mishap. Sometimes by his choice, and sometimes, by other's choice. It's true that in many ways, Ryan may have the antidote to his invisibility in his back pocket, but, maybe he refuses to use it or maybe he doesn't quite understand how to use it. When Tom discovered that Jerry was invisible in The Invisible Mouse episode, Tom got creative and threw some flour on the floor in order to see Jerry's footprints...in order to "see" him. Sometime, you have to be creative, just like Tom, and look outside the box to see Ryan.

Picture
Believe it or not, "the box" isn't that big. It doesn't take a lot of creativity to find the invisibility antidote. Just as I have witnessed those who can't or won't see my son, I have witnessed those who can and do. The mom who decided to stop at the car where Ryan was playing his DS and asked him to join her at the creek to throw stones, while others passed him by, or the kind soul who ran out of her car and jumped on pedal cars trying to catch Ryan in order to "see" and hear his joy. The math teacher who found the antidote in a math equation or the science teacher who found the antidote in plate tectonics. The music teacher who found the antidote in a musical piece that lead him to be able to both see and hear Ryan. You "see", the antidote for my Invisible Man is simple....try. Try and see him by finding his joy, try and see him by taking time to know him, try and see him by stopping and not walking past him, try and see him by viewing the world through his lenses, try and see him by just recognizing that he is THERE. I promise that all it takes to keep Ryan, and kids like him from disappearing is for people to just try and see them.

I watched a video once http://youtu.be/xMBzJleeOno of a severely autistic girl who had never spoken before, who had given very little indication that she could comprehend what people were saying until one day, she begin "speaking" through her words typed on a computer. During the video, the father admitted to being amazed at such a discovery, but, also horrified for all the things he and others said in front of his daughter who appeared invisible and who, in so many ways, didn't seem to be "there". This girl would explain that her body felt trapped by autism. She could see, hear and understand most of what went on around her and it took a computer as her antidote to finally make her visible. These kids are all "there", they are not invisible and treating them as if they are, well, that just makes us the villains. The villains who are withholding the antidote.

Picture
Ryan has told his speech teacher, Mrs. P, who by the way always "sees" him, that he is uncomfortable being too "visible", but, with the right support and encouragement from those around him, maybe one day he will take a swig from the invisibility antidote. Maybe once Ryan "sees" that others can and do see him, he will step out of the shadows. Chances are Ryan won't be so visible that he gets kicked out of a college bar for dancing on top of the bar (I've heard that sometimes happens to people), but maybe in time, Ryan will find his own antidote, his own way of stepping out of the shadows so more people can see him. In the meantime, I may need to start carrying flour in my purse so folks unaware, misinformed and stuck in their own box, can see my son through his footprints, through his beautiful eyes, through his unending smile and through his pure heart. Throw down a little flour folks, you never know what or who may be visible, right before your eyes.

Picture
Ryan has many people in his life that do see him, like his brother and sister, but like most siblings, there are times he wishes they couldn't see him or his candy.
1 Comment
addiction treatment nj link
1/10/2025 01:48:09 am

Specialized addiction treatment services in New Jersey, providing tailored programs to support individuals in overcoming substance abuse and achieving recovery.

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    The Mighty Contributor

       Author

    Picture
    Keeping it real, raw, and AWEnest while laughing, loving and living in our world 
    touched by Autism.
    If you would like to subscribe to this blog ...

    Enter your email address:

    Delivered by FeedBurner

    Definition of Awe:
    "a mixed emotion of
    reverence, respect, dread and wonder inspired by authority, genius, great
    beauty, sublimity or might." Yep, someone should have consulted a mom 
    before
    spelling AWEtism.

    Archives

    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013

    Categories

    All
    A Blink Of An Eye
    Acceptance
    Advocates
    Aestivation
    Alone
    ASD
    ASD
    ASD And Disney
    ASD Empathy
    Asd Love
    Atypical
    Austin Powers
    Autism
    Autism Acceptance
    Autism Adults
    Autism And Alone
    Autism And Disney
    Autism And Emotions
    Autism And Fevers
    Autism And Field Trips
    Autism And Friends
    Autism And Homework
    Autism And Hope
    Autism And Lonely
    Autism And Media
    Autism And Police Interaction
    Autism Awareness
    Autism Awareness 2016
    Autism Brothers
    Autism Emotions
    Autism Empathy
    Autism Feelings
    Autism Friends
    Autism Idioms
    Autism Journey
    Autism Lessons
    Autism Love
    Autism Meltdown
    Autism Moms
    Autism Routine
    Autism Routines
    Autism Self Advocacy
    Autism Self-Awareness
    Autism Siblings
    Autism Speaks
    Autism Spectrum Disorders
    Autism Swimming
    Autism Tour Guide
    Autistic Enough
    Awe Inspiring
    Awe-inspiring
    Back To School
    Baseball
    Beach
    Beauty
    Beauty Is In The Eye Of The Beholder
    Big
    Black And White Thinking
    Brady Bunch
    Bravery
    Breaking Bad
    Bridge Over Troubled Water
    Bugs
    Bullying
    Champion
    Change
    Change Of Heart
    Changes
    Chatty Cathy Doll
    Childhood
    Christmas
    Clothes And Autism
    Clueless
    College
    Communicating
    Communication Skills
    Comparing Disabilities
    Confidence
    Conscious Uncoupling
    Creepers
    Criticsm
    Day Of Pampering
    Death And Dying
    Denial
    Diet
    Differences
    Different
    Different Not Less
    Disability
    Disney World
    Donkey
    Donuts
    Dr. Seuss
    Early Bird Gets The Worm
    Eddie Murphy
    Ed Sheeran
    Educators
    Emily Dickinson
    Emoji
    Estivation
    Facebook
    Facial Cues
    Fear Of Santa
    Fears
    Fifty Shades Of Grey
    First
    Flags Of Autism
    Friends
    Gifts
    Groundhog Day
    Growing Up
    Guest Blogger
    Hades
    Halloween
    Happy
    He Is There
    Helicoptoring
    He Loves Me
    He Loves Me Not
    History Of Autism
    Holidays And Autism
    Homecoming
    Homework
    Honesty
    Hope
    Hovering
    Hygiene
    Hygiene Autism
    I Am Sorry
    I Am You
    Idioms
    Include
    Inclusion
    Inside Out
    Instagram
    Invisible
    IPhone
    It Takes A Village
    John Elder Robison
    Judgement
    Julia Muppet
    Kate Upton
    Kisses
    Language
    Left Out
    Legacy Of Autism
    Letter To Me
    Letter To My Son
    Lifeguard
    Limited Diet
    Listen To Your Heart
    Literal Thinking
    Loch Ness Monster
    Loving A Child With Autism
    Matthew McConaughey
    Minecraft
    Minecraft Autism
    Moms
    Mother's Day
    Mothers Day
    Mothers Disabled Children
    Mothers Love
    Mothers Of Children With Autism
    Music
    Musical Gift
    Music Autism
    Myths About Autism
    Neurotribes
    New Clothes
    New Years
    Not Alone
    Not Less
    Parenting
    Peanut Gallery
    People Magazine
    Peter Brady Voice Change
    Pets
    Piano
    Placebo Effect
    Play
    Pointing
    Police
    Pool
    Proud To Stand Out
    Read Across America
    Relief Pitcher
    Remorse
    Risks
    Rituals
    Roar
    Routines
    Same Old Song And Dance
    School
    Scripting
    Sensory
    Sesame Street
    Sharing Interests
    Sharks
    Showers
    Showing
    Shrek
    Siblings
    Singing
    Small Talk
    Social
    Social Circles
    Social Communication Disorder
    Social Media
    Social Skills
    Speech
    Stereotypes
    Steve Silberman
    Stickers
    Summer
    Summer Camps Autism
    Support
    Surfers Healing
    Talk The Talk
    #TBT
    Teacher
    Teachers
    Team
    Temple Grandin
    Thankful
    Thanksgiving
    The AWEnesty Of Autism
    The A Word
    #thedress
    The Jeffersons
    The Old Me
    The Outsiders
    Throwback Thursday
    To Tell Or Not To Tell
    Touch
    Trick Or Treat
    Trying To Understand
    Unexpected
    Vacations And Autism
    Vacations And Autism
    Video Games
    Walk The Walk
    Walter White
    Weather
    Wheaties
    Wine
    Wishes
    Wizard Of Oz
    Words
    World Autism Awareness Day
    Zombies

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.