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This Thanksgiving, Please Hold the "But"

11/20/2017

14 Comments

 
For years I held out hope, maybe THIS will be the year he will try a bite of stuffing! Maybe THIS will be the year, family members won’t nag him to “try it”. Maybe THIS will be the year the stares and whispers of why I bring Velveeta Shells and Cheese and let him eat THAT will be stifled. Maybe THIS will be the Thanksgiving my son feels comfortable and welcome. Maybe THIS will be the year, friends and family can hold the “but”.
 
It’s funny, I gave up on THIS being THE year, years ago, because I accept and understand my son, but, we all have those family members who think that maybe THIS year things will be different, which translates to, HE will be different. If you have one of those family members, feel free to print this out and put it on the table as a sort of placecard for guests.
 
THIS Thanksgiving won’t be any different than last year because:
 
1. He still has autism. 

2. He has made great strides in sooo.. many areas and we are sooo... proud of him, but, his diet isn’t one of those area. 

3. He still has autism.
 
4. He may now wear khaki pants instead of fleece pants to the Thanksgiving table, but, he still is not putting wet, soggy stuffing in his mouth. Nope, didn’t happen last year, isn’t going to happen this year. 

5. He still has autism. 

6. I know his diet isn’t great, he knows his diet isn’t great, but, what his brain knows and what his body feels don’t match, and your pumpkin pie isn’t going to sway that connection. 

7. He still has autism. 

8. We are so proud of all that he has accomplished, both academically and musically this past year, and we know you are too, but, making District Chorus and getting a B in College Prep English won’t make your mashed potatoes any less lumpy to him. 

9. He still has autism. 

10. Can you believe he went to the Homecoming Dance this year and danced with friends and stayed over an hour?!! Wow, right? Yeah, he has made some gains socially, but, he still isn’t eating “even just a tiny bite” of that turkey. 

11. He still has autism. 

12. I’m thrilled he filled you in on the upcoming musical he is a part of and I LOVE how grateful you are for getting him to chat with you for a few seconds, but, his sensory system is still so sensitive to different food textures that his taste buds think your cranberry sauce will kill him. 

13. He still has autism. 

14. I love that you see how hard he is working, how much he has grown and in sooo…many areas, so this year, how about just commenting on all of that, praising him on all he has accomplished so he and I can hold the buts because… 

15. He still has autism. 

Ryan had autism when he was a picky toddler and he has autism as a teenager and is still just as "picky" when it comes to eating. He is not trying to be difficult, he is not "spoiled", he is autistic and his taste buds don't "feel" food the way yours and mine do.

​Some day, my son may try a bite of turkey, some day he may think that the pumpkin pie tastes as good as it smells, but, that will be on his terms if, and when, he is ready. So, I would love it if THIS is the Thanksgiving YOU change so my son doesn't feel like his progress is diminished by the "buts" while you pass him the rolls because he will absolutely eat one of those, no buts about it.
Picture
Ryan will carve a pumpkin, but, there isn't anyway he is going to eat a pumpkin.
14 Comments
mark shane kent link
11/20/2017 01:18:09 pm

diets very often make it a lot worser .sensories are all ways very very
high,like Anxiety is .i have aspergers and m.e. take part in a lot lot
research.i do a blog
http;//mark-kent.webs.com

Reply
Cynthia Chase link
11/21/2017 06:39:35 am

This post made me smile. I never realized how awful one of my favorite foods (mashed potatoes) could be to someone else until I had a grandson with Asperger's.

Reply
Maribel Sauer
11/22/2017 03:54:01 am

Completely understand. Our son takes few nibbles of turkey, cranberry sauce but we still have his Jacks pizza ready.

Reply
Melissa
11/22/2017 02:32:21 pm

Thank you! This is beautiful. It made me cry.

Reply
Natalie
11/22/2017 03:48:09 pm

So so true. The year I finally put a stop to it was the year a relative tried to tell my son he wasn't getting dessert if he didn't eat his whole plate and tried to insist on veggies. Nope absolutely no. Slight drama as she was informed by my husband that we'd actually cover the parenting of our child thanks.
Thank you for writing this.

Reply
Heidi
11/22/2017 08:07:51 pm

Good for you .my son also is autistic and for some reason my mom thinks she's the expert. Yet she has never been around someone with it before

Reply
Pam stockton
11/22/2017 05:24:24 pm

I couldn’t help but smile reading this, my daughter is 35, still has autism, we still have to ask what willTonie eat from there, if nothing, I always have to take her something. She has a decent diet, but still very picky

Reply
Mari Tijerina
11/22/2017 05:36:47 pm

You have a beautiful and special human being. I applaud you for having the patience and understanding. My daughter is 10 yrs old and has autism. She was diagnosed at the age of 2. With early intervention and a lot of patience she has grown so much. She always ate the same thing day in and day out. I never pushed her or made her feel different. She doesn't sit at the table with her family to eat rather she stands next to her chair. A few months ago I was eating avocado and she asked me if she could try it. It brought tears to my eyes but I didn't want to scare her. So I gave her some without making a big deal and acted as normal as anyone would sharing their food with a family member or friend. She tired it and liked it. A few days ago I was sitting at the table by myself and she pulled her chair out sat down and said "I'm gonna sit with you mama, so you won't eat alone.' My heart just melted. I smiled at her and told her that would be very nice. What I'm getting at is that we as parents need to educate friends and family about everything autism is. No one child is alike. Let them progress at there own pace. Most importantly always make them feel loved because they are the most wonderful, loving, innocent and unique human beings you will ever know. Good luck to you and your son this Thanksgiving, may you have a blessed and happy day.

Reply
Lily Dagdag
11/22/2017 05:38:18 pm

People often tell me "You should add variety to your son's diet" and I try not to roll my eyes as I say "Yea I'll get right on that." It's not just about him being stubborn or picky. Although I am very grateful that my daughter, recently diagnosed, seems to have absolutely no issues and eats literally anything you put in front of her, even veggies!

Reply
Melissa
11/22/2017 05:46:06 pm

I have a friend from church she’s got an autistic young girl I kinda miss her being there she would sing when we sang but played with her toys the rest of the time

Reply
Jenny
11/23/2017 04:22:57 am

Funny thing about autism it has a tendency to make you cry my son who is 3 will only eat beef a roni and sweet potatoes honey barbque chips french fries but not plain mashed potatoes cereal and those star shaped puffs he could live off of those lol i am where you are at now however it's not just my family it's his dad he still doesn't understand that our son will not try different food and the way you just explain everything will be the perfect way for me to explain to his dad so thank you for helping me my wish for you this thanksgiving is that you and your son enjoy it without the "buts"

Reply
Elizabeth Dunning
11/23/2017 05:31:11 am

My 5 year old grandson is newly diagnosed and that has lead to much less stress for all of us. NOW I understand so many things. It's 100% ok for him to be who he is with all his quirks and foibles including the dietary ones. The way we handle his picky food choices is to have plenty of what we know he'll eat on his plate and a small spoonful of each of the things he won't try on the side for him to taste or not. His choice. No pressure and no comment. It's just available if he wants to try it.

Reply
Janet Meredith link
11/23/2017 08:25:14 am

This is perfect as is the special place in my heart for my “special Grandchildren!”.

Reply
tom blair
11/24/2017 07:15:15 am

AWEinspiring, comforting and important website. Thank you very much!

Reply



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