When I was a kid, sitting in church bored me to tears. Forgive me God for being AWEnest, but back in the "old days", there were no rock bands jamming out at the alter. No drums, electric guitars or guys with long hair wailing out the latest Christian rock songs. There were just old ladies and a handful of old fogies singing decades old hymns. Regardless of how great the pastor was or the message he was delivering, at the age of 10, if the pastor wasn't talking about Shaun Cassidy or Andy Gibb, then I wasn't listening. I realize I'm taking a chance here with my AWEnesty and that my laptop may fry and electrocute me, but as a 10 year old kid, the only thing that kept me from snoozing and falling out of the church pew, were my equally bored BFF neighbors, a pencil, the back of the church bulletin and countless games of Tic Tac Toe.
According to Wikipedia, (What did we ever do without Wikipedia? Oh, that's right, 24 Volumes of Britannica.) Tic Tac Toe has been around since the Ancient Egyptians. I guess King Tut got bored in the temples too. In the 1800's, the English played Tic Tac Toe, but they called it Noughts and Crosses. Crosses? I bet a bored 10 year old English girl created it in church. Evidence that even the proper, stuffy English got a little antsy during the sermon. Little did I know, when I happily drew a line through all three x's (everyone always wants to be x's, o's look to much like zeroes and well, zero equal loser) and happily whispered, "Tic Tac Toe", while the blue haired lady sitting behind me in her Sunday best "shushed" me, that the word "Tic" would become so much more to me than a game to pass the time while I listened (not really) to all the ways I sinned every Sunday morning. Of course, playing Tic Tac Toe in church, instead of listening to the pastor, being at the top of my sinful list.
Wiki (thank you...again) says, "A tic is a sudden, repetitive, nonrhythmic motor movement or vocalization involving discrete muscle groups.[1][2]. Tics are described as semi-voluntary or unvoluntary,[7] because they are not strictly involuntary—they may be experienced as a voluntary response to the unwanted, premonitory urge. A unique aspect of tics, is that they are suppressible yet irresistible;[8] they are experienced as an irresistible urge that must eventually be expressed." Wow! In our house we define it as some weird, quirky, movement or behavior that may get you beat up on the playground. Believe me, we have had our share of tics in this household, and I don't mean the fun, Tic Tac Toe kind. Many kids on the autism spectrum demonstrate self-stimulating behavior or "stims". These behaviors are described as "controlled" and the stimming helps calm a child's overloaded sensory system and eases their anxiety. Some stim just because it feels good. It's been hard to differentiate between a true "tic" and a "stim" with Ryan so over the years, we have just referred to various behaviors as tics. "Tic" is a lot easier to use in a sentence then "self-stimulatory behavior". "Oh, have you seen the latest tic?" or "I wonder how long this tic will last?" or "I guess this tic replaced that last tic." And for the longest time, I would discourage these tics, stims, etc. not with a tac and a toe, but with a big emphatic NO.
Wiki (thank you...again) says, "A tic is a sudden, repetitive, nonrhythmic motor movement or vocalization involving discrete muscle groups.[1][2]. Tics are described as semi-voluntary or unvoluntary,[7] because they are not strictly involuntary—they may be experienced as a voluntary response to the unwanted, premonitory urge. A unique aspect of tics, is that they are suppressible yet irresistible;[8] they are experienced as an irresistible urge that must eventually be expressed." Wow! In our house we define it as some weird, quirky, movement or behavior that may get you beat up on the playground. Believe me, we have had our share of tics in this household, and I don't mean the fun, Tic Tac Toe kind. Many kids on the autism spectrum demonstrate self-stimulating behavior or "stims". These behaviors are described as "controlled" and the stimming helps calm a child's overloaded sensory system and eases their anxiety. Some stim just because it feels good. It's been hard to differentiate between a true "tic" and a "stim" with Ryan so over the years, we have just referred to various behaviors as tics. "Tic" is a lot easier to use in a sentence then "self-stimulatory behavior". "Oh, have you seen the latest tic?" or "I wonder how long this tic will last?" or "I guess this tic replaced that last tic." And for the longest time, I would discourage these tics, stims, etc. not with a tac and a toe, but with a big emphatic NO.
Before I knew, before I understood, when Clueless and Denial would tell me, "You need to make him stop THAT!" in regards to the various tics and stims Ryan has had over the years, I did my best to nip those tics in the bud. After all, these tics made him look weird (yes, I said the taboo w word) and certainly other kids would think so too. One of the most worrisome for a neurotic nut like me was the chewing shirt phase. As you can see in this daycare photo, every collar on every shirt would be soaking wet by about 9:30AM. Of course when he would chew on a shirt for 12 hours a day, not only did Ryan ruin the shirt by stretching out and destroying the fibers with teeth meant to chew meat, not cotton, he also ingested laundry detergent chemicals, dryer sheet particles and all the nasty germs, viruses, etc. that landed on his shirt throughout the day. I would freak out and yell, "Stop chewing your shirt, it's going to make you sick!" and my literal boy would assure me that he wasn't swallowing his shirt, so it certainly would not make him sick. With every bite or chew I would yell, "No!". Sigh. We got a chewy tube that was suppose to help Ryan get his sensory needs without destroying his shirt and doing shots of Tide, but apparently Ryan's palate preferred cotton to rubber. The chewy tube sat on the floor and collected dog hair while I continued to buy new, preferably organic, cotton shirts. The shirt chewing, fabric gnawing, phase lasted until the next tic moved in.
Check out Chewy Tubes at www.funandfunction.com
Although not as hazardous to his health, Ryan's nose licking tic was certainly more disgusting and much more apt to get him ostracized and picked on by his fellow classmates. We have all seen kids do it. They lick it, pick it, wipe it and yes, they even eat it (insert gag, heaving noise), however, at some point in time, they reach an age where they stop. Maybe it's because they have been called a nose licker or booger picker and that has been enough to make them grab a tissue instead of their tongue or finger. Not my boy. When he was younger, Denial and Clueless would say, "Ewww, that is disgusting, you need to make him stop. You need to threaten to take his video games away from him before he loses all his friends." Yep, there's the problem. I'm sure to an extent Ryan cares about what "friends" think of him, but not the way a neurotypical kid does. When one doesn't really have friends, threatening the loss of such an enigma was pointless. So my shouts of "No!" and threats of, "Kids are going to call you names, think your gross and not want to play with you", fell on deaf ears. These threats still do. As Ryan walked out the door to middle school this morning, he smiled happily with his clown red circle surrounding his entire mouth (that will be there until the first spring thaw), and yelled, "I love you Mom". As he approached the bus steps, I yelled back, "Don't lick your face today!" and immediately saw his tongue swipe across his mouth and nose. Tic Tac NO!!! Such futile efforts. The only thing I can do for this tic is to sneak in at night while he is sleeping and rub Vaseline on his face, since he DESPISES the sticky, gooiness feel of Vaseline, in my attempt to try and stay ahead of his poor, licked, abused face before it starts to bleed.
With the start of a new school year came a new tic and I believe it is a tic in the truest sense of the word....in the Wiki sense of the word. About the second week of school, the entire family was blessed with the first official cold of the season. It wasn't a terrible cold, just an annoying one. I believe the cold planted the seed for Ryan's newest tic. I noticed Ryan squinching up his left nostril and making a very quick sniff...repeatedly. I mean like it was rhythmic, like breathing. At first I thought it was the cold, but it was so odd that is was just the left nostril. Finally, I asked if his nose was itchy, runny, tickly, etc..."No" in a stop nagging me voice. So I decided to pay attention. We were in the car and he was non-stop sniffing. Ryan only stopped when he needed to yell at Emma for being so "freaking annoying"....sniff, sniff, sniff. So, like any good mother, I decided to time and count the sniffs. In a 60 second countdown, he sniffed the left and only the left nostril 25 times. A bite of fries, two sniffs, a drink of milkshake, three sniffs, a shout at Emma, four sniffs. I don't even think he was aware of it, so how do you make Ryan stop doing something he doesn't even know he is doing? The answer, according to other people living with autism, you don't.
We all have stims, tic and annoying habits. Some of us are hair twirlers, leg bouncers or knuckle crackers. The difference between a neurotypical person's stims or tics versus someone living with autism is the type of stimming repetition and the intensity of the repetition. I remember watching the Temple Grandin Movie on HBO for the first time, sharing my popcorn with Clueless and Denial. A parent asked Temple how to make her child stop spinning and stimming and Temple very adamantly said, "You don't." Adults and children living with autism need to stim and tic as much as they need to breath. When the world gets too big, too loud and too bright, these quirky behaviors are what gives them peace and makes them able to get through whatever emotion is or situation is bothering them. I felt so guilty that for years, I tried to make Ryan stop and in all AWEnesty, he couldn't. I dumped my popcorn on Clueless and Denial's heads and kicked them out of my house and went and snuggled my sniffing, licking, finger flicking boy.
In the book, The Reason I Jump, the author, Naoki Higashida (who wrote the book at age 13 when he was non-verbal) explains that stimms and tics are not a result of a problem at a nerve level, but at an emotional level. Naoki explains that because people living with autism are often unable to express what they are feeling, he says, "the despair we're feeling has nowhere to go and fills up our entire bodies, making our senses more and more confused....and sometimes, all my body's energy is concentrated in one area ." So for this week, or this month, or this year, Ryan's emotions and senses are all piling up in his left nostril, and regardless of how annoying 25 sniffs in 60 seconds can be, that's the only exit for my boy's new middle school stress so, I must either try to ignore the sniffs or get ear plugs. I wonder if I should get the entire 6th grade ear plugs too?
We all have stims, tic and annoying habits. Some of us are hair twirlers, leg bouncers or knuckle crackers. The difference between a neurotypical person's stims or tics versus someone living with autism is the type of stimming repetition and the intensity of the repetition. I remember watching the Temple Grandin Movie on HBO for the first time, sharing my popcorn with Clueless and Denial. A parent asked Temple how to make her child stop spinning and stimming and Temple very adamantly said, "You don't." Adults and children living with autism need to stim and tic as much as they need to breath. When the world gets too big, too loud and too bright, these quirky behaviors are what gives them peace and makes them able to get through whatever emotion is or situation is bothering them. I felt so guilty that for years, I tried to make Ryan stop and in all AWEnesty, he couldn't. I dumped my popcorn on Clueless and Denial's heads and kicked them out of my house and went and snuggled my sniffing, licking, finger flicking boy.
In the book, The Reason I Jump, the author, Naoki Higashida (who wrote the book at age 13 when he was non-verbal) explains that stimms and tics are not a result of a problem at a nerve level, but at an emotional level. Naoki explains that because people living with autism are often unable to express what they are feeling, he says, "the despair we're feeling has nowhere to go and fills up our entire bodies, making our senses more and more confused....and sometimes, all my body's energy is concentrated in one area ." So for this week, or this month, or this year, Ryan's emotions and senses are all piling up in his left nostril, and regardless of how annoying 25 sniffs in 60 seconds can be, that's the only exit for my boy's new middle school stress so, I must either try to ignore the sniffs or get ear plugs. I wonder if I should get the entire 6th grade ear plugs too?
Over the years, it's been difficult to ignore the tics and the stims, not so much because it bothers me, but I worry that it bothers others. I know that I shouldn't care what others think, but like any mom, I want my son to be accepted by his peers, not teased and bullied because his face looks like he is wearing clown makeup from September to March, or that his left nostril sniffs approximately 3,600 times an hour. I try to have the, "let's only do it at home where it's safe" talks, but guess what, most of Ryan's stress comes from the outside world when his routine is disrupted, the world is unpredictable and Mama Bear isn't by his side to protect him. I just hope when I send Ryan out there, most people see past the tic, to the beautiful, anxious boy lying behind the red, chapped face.
Whether you are an x or an o, we all have our tics. So, the next time you see a child or an adult, spinning, flapping, licking or sniffing, try and remember the last time the world felt loud, bright and disorganized and what you did to make yourself feel better. Maybe you called a friend, opened a bottle of wine or twirled the he** out of your hair. Chances are, whatever coping mechanism you used, your body relaxed and you felt better. Chances are even better that nobody stopped you or judged you for your particular coping "tic". Maybe its a game of Tic Tac Toe to shut out a pastor's sermon on the Bible's predictions of "End Times" (after a Saturday night of sinning) or maybe it's 25 sniffs a minute to write a poem about metaphors (Ryan chose "writing is like a disaster area", which I though was brilliant), but whatever it takes to cope, whatever it takes to calm down, whatever it takes to make the world less big, is what we all need to do to be triumphant in this world. Discovering what tic works for you is like discovering you have two places to put your x, on that Tic Tac Toe board. It makes you want to keep playing, keep trying and keep leaving all the zeros, I mean o's in the dust.
This was Easter time. The red, chapped face heals just in time for the egg hunt.
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